


Let's kiss a little instead

by tessalane



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Developing Relationship, FC Barcelona, Hate, Insecure Zayn, Liam and Zayn are professional soccer players, Love, M/M, Niall and Zayn are best friends, Pressure, They play for the best teams in the world, Zayn hates Liam, alternative universe, football players - Freeform, football team, one direction - Freeform, relationship, soccer players
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:58:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8055430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessalane/pseuds/tessalane
Summary: It’s like Liam understands every part of his soul and accepts it just as it is. It’s like Liam knows how to say and do things in order to make Zayn feel good and relaxed and calm. It’s like Liam is the perfect anchor to Zayn’s anxious, self-conscious, insecure being who always worries too much and never opens up. He just likes Liam. A lot.  Zayn and Liam are the world's best football players and they both play for opposite teams. Zayn had a hard time growing up and struggles a lot with anxiety and pressure problems and he hates Liam for always being cool and chill and perfect. So when the two rivals finally meet, things go down a completely different road than Zayn had expected.





	Let's kiss a little instead

**Author's Note:**

> This was such a struggle!! I had this idea a month ago, because I was in Barcelona for the holidays and went to see a game in Camp Nou Stadium and I thought hey let's write a cute fanfic with Zayn and Liam as soccer players and it somehow turned into this 30K monster fanfic without me really intending to. 
> 
> It was a looooot of work, let's be honest here. 
> 
> All those characters don't belong to me, I have no clue about soccer whatsoever, so there will be a lot of mistakes probably since I googled most of it. 
> 
> Other than that, I really do hope you enjoy reading this story! xxx

„Oh my God!“

 

Zayn looks up from the bottle of milk he’s holding in his hand and searches for the source of the squeaking voice. 

„It’s Zayn Malik! Look, look. It’s him!“, a tiny girl close to him shouts and runs up to him. 

Zayn groans and immediately embraces himself for the storm. 

„Hi. My brother loves you so much and I wanted to ask if we could have a picture with you!“, the little girl asks and pulls at his sweater gently. She’s adorable and not older than seven.

Zayn looks down at her and gives her a tiny smile, unsure of what to do. 

„Mandy, are you serious? Stop bothering him, Jesus Christ!“, a young male teenager exclaims and walks up to them as well, holding his little sister back. 

„No, it’s okay. I’m used to it.“, Zayn answers and flashes both of them a smile. „Let’s just take a picture quickly and then you can still leave me alone.“ 

He chuckles a bit to let them know he’s joking and the boy happily gets out his phone and opens up the selfie camera. 

They all smile for the picture and within no second the boy has a selfie of him, his little sister and Zayn on his phone. 

„Thanks so much, Dude. You’re my favorite football player I really admire you for your work. You’re a huge inspiration for me.“, the boy says and Zayn rubs his head uncomfortably. 

 

He gets this a lot and he never knows how to react or what to say to that. He’s grateful for everything but his main goal is to play soccer and not to inspire young teenage boys. 

„Thanks man, I appreciate that a lot.“, Zayn simply answers and pats the young boy on his back. 

It seems good enough for him and he smiles even brighter, grabs his little sister’s hand and pulls her away after waving at Zayn goodbye. 

Zayn takes a deep breath and focuses back on his grocery shopping. 

Lately things have been going insane since FC Barcelona decided to buy him as a football player for more than 40.000 Euros even though he hasn’t had that much experience. He had been playing for Manchester City before where he had proven his ambition, his talent and his dedication as much as he possibly could and it seemed like it all paid off. 

Being 21 and already playing for one of the best if not the best football clubs worldwide was all Zayn ever wanted in life. To make his parents proud and take care of his family. And to play of course. 

But the fame that comes with it was never one of Zayn’s intentions and he’s still struggling to cope with it all. 

 

So he rushes through the supermarket, scared that other people might recognize him and heads to the checkstand as quickly as possible to pay.  
As he’s waiting, he’s drumming impatiently with his fingers on his thigh, making the old lady behind him throw him a confused look but Zayn can’t help it. 

„I hope you’re alright, love.“, she asks him and Zayn smiles at her apologetically. 

He nods and bites his lip. „Yes Madam, thank you.“ 

She nods and puts her things slowly and neatly on the line. 

Mindlessly Zayn throws a look at her purchase. Veggies, Pasta, Orange Juice, a gossip magazine, chocolate.. 

The gossip magazine is what catches his eyes again. There on the headline in big bold letters it says 

 

Liam Payne, 22, spotted again in LA, smoking and drinking excessively with friends and presumably new girlfriend 

 

He rolls his eyes and forces himself to look back at the cashier who’s struggling wether the price of the Cereal bar is 1,90 or 1,50. 

It’s not like he’s bitter. He isn’t. 

 

He simply dislikes Liam Payne with every fiber of his existence. 

Liam Payne, world soccer player, with 22 playing for Real Madrid, is the most annoying and unlikeable man Zayn has ever heard of. 

He’d never met him before but being a successful soccer player, it’s almost like a group of teenage girls. Everyone talks about everyone and everyone knows everything. 

And Zayn has heard and seen enough to know that Liam Payne and he will never be friends. Quite the opposite really. 

Drinking, smoking, spending money on unnecessary shit and exchanging girls like underwear is not what Zayn is about. 

 

Zayn’s all about hard work, focus and success. Not for himself. For his family. 

 

—————————

 

„I know you don’t wanna hear it but Payne played fucking amazing last night.“, Niall shouts and throws a nacho at Zayn. 

He simply rolls his eyes at his crazy friend and begins to unpack his groceries. „Whatever.“ 

 

„I know I know. You hate him. Of course. But he is fucking amazing. He’s so talented. I can’t believe it.“ 

 

„Will you shut up?“, Zayn hisses and turns around to put milk and yogurt into the fridge. 

 

„Zayn, bro. Come on. He’s your rival, your enemy, bla bla bla. But you still need to admit that this boy has got some skills.“ 

„Yeah. Of course he’s extremely talented. He wouldn’t be playing for one of the best football clubs in the world if he wasn’t. I just dislike the way he behaves. The way he constantly parties, throws around with money, gets chics and .. and..“, Zayn exclaims and puts some eggs on the counter. 

 

„And lives his life?“, Niall asks and puts his head on his elbow. „Is that what you’re saying?“ 

 

„I work hard, okay? My family doesn’t have any money and all I ever wanted was to support them and help them and not feel like every penny was the biggest treasure. For me, loosing is not an option. For him it’s all just funny games. His family is rich, has always been and he doesn’t have to worry about letting anyone down.“ 

 

„Don’t you think that’s a little too easy? No one has it easy, no one’s life is just black and white.“, Niall argues and looks at him with a gentle smile. 

 

Zayn just shrugs. He doesn’t care if Liam’s life is easy or not. He doesn’t like him regardless of that and it definitely won’t change. 

 

„Okay, let’s drop it. When are you leaving for Barcelona?“, Niall asks and grabs himself an apple. 

 

„In three days. Training starts in one week and I want to be there to get settled and all.“, the footballer answers and sighs. 

„You ready for the season then?“

He nods. „I am. Just not for the heat.“ 

„Eh, it’s Barca, not Namibia. You’ll survive.“, Niall mocks him and Zayn just shrugs. „Are you gonna see your family before you leave?“ 

 

Zayn shrugs again. „Probably. They’ll come to the airport.“ 

Niall is silent for a while before he speaks up again. „Do you want them to come?“ 

 

Zayn looks up and is looking right into piercing blue eyes he has known for the biggest part of his life. „I do. I just don’t want to hear how proud they are of me and that they’re so happy and grateful.“ 

 

Niall nods. „I understand them though. I’m proud of you as well. Look at what you’ve become.“ 

 

Zayn shakes his head and turns around to the fridge. 

 

„Mate. You’ve worked so hard, appreciate some compliments, okay?“ 

 

Zayn just ignores him and continues to put away his groceries. 

 

As long as his inner pressure is there, he’ll never be able to appreciate compliments. He just doesn’t want to hear them. All he wants is to be better, do his best. And that’s something no one around him seems to understand.

 

————————

 

Zayn’s at the airport, sitting in an empty hall which is booked just for him to spend his time waiting, two huge suitcases packed for the next season and ready to enter the private jet organized just for him to get to Barcelona. 

He can’t believe what his life has become but this is how it is now and he’s not complaining. 

Scrolling through his phone, he’s mindlessly liking some stupid pictures of old friends and selfies of models he doesn’t even know the name of when he hears a voice call through the hall. 

„Zayn! Honey!“

 

His head snaps up and sees five figures hurrying towards him through the empty hall.

 

He gets up and smiles brightly and in no time his mum throws her arms around his slim body. 

 

„I will miss you so much“, she shouts into his ear and gives him a kiss on his cheek. 

 

„Ok, mum. Calm down. It’s not like I’m emigrating to China.“

 

The rest of his family hugs him as well. 

 

„We wish you the best of luck, son. Call us and skype us and tell us everything. And see if the girls can visit you in Barcelona during their holidays.“ 

Zayn nods and runs his hands through Waliyhas hair which makes her squeak in protest. „Stop it.“ 

He just laughs at her and gives her a quick kiss on her forehead. „I’ll keep you up to date. And if you miss one game I’ll never talk to you again.“ 

 

„Of course.“, Trisha exclaims indignantly and crosses her arms in front of her chest. „Now go, you have a flight to catch!“ 

„Not really, they’re waiting for me.“, Zayn laughs but he grabs his bag anyway and gives an assistant a small wave to help him with his luggage. 

„If you come back like one of those arrogant players who are so full of themselves there’s no space for anything else you’re officially not going to be my brother anymore. Understood?“, Doniya explains with a glint in her eyes which tells Zayn that she knows he’s never going to be like that. 

 

„You mean like Liam Payne?“, Safaa asks making them all laugh. 

 

„Yeah, just like Payne.“, Doniya replies and hugs Zayn one last time. „Take care of yourself, okay?“ 

 

He nods and kisses her cheek. 

Zayn secedes himself from his family and takes one of his luggages in his hand, the bag around his other shoulder. The assistant helps him with the other suitcase. 

Together they make their ways towards the glass door, which immediately slides open once they get near it and they exit the hall, leaving his family shouting wishes after him and he tries to swallow his anxious feeling and make it go away but he has always struggled with anxiety and he knows there’s no way to fight it. 

So he just lets it happen as the assistant leads him to the private jet of FC Barcelona and as he walks up the stairs to the entrance of the luxury machine he tries to focus on the important things. Soccer, himself and his family. 

 

————————

 

„Zayn! Good to see you. How has your break been?“, Jordi Vinyals, one of his trainers, greets him as Zayn enters the changing rooms of the Camp Nou Stadium, in which the team of Barcelona practices and plays. 

 

He prefers to be early but today he wanted to be extra early, leaving him enough time to get his mind right and to warm up. 

 

Zayn smiles at his football trainer and shakes his hand. „I’m good. It was nice, thank you.“ 

 

„What are you doing here so early?“, the older man asks, his spanish accent only slightly visible. 

 

Zayn shrugs his shoulder and gives him a small smile. „Just like to be early. That’s all.“ 

 

„It’s good to have you, boy. It’s good to have you. I know you’re a good addition to the team, won’t let us down, yeah?“ 

 

He nods and grabs his bag a little tighter. 

 

„Alright, I’ll leave you to it then. Feel free to go on the pitch.“ 

 

Zayn nods again and walks around the bench to set down his bag and get changed into his gear. The Primera División begins in one month and even though he knows he’s in his best shape, he still has a lot of training to do until he feels satisfied. 

 

So he grabs a football, walks out on the football field and breathes in the air of the empty stadium. He loves this a lot more than being in a crowded stadium full of people. The noise and the people make him anxious and unfocused most of the times. 

Here on the field, just him and a ball, is where he feels the best. 

He kicks the ball a few times and begins to practice his moves, goes left, goes right, dribbles forward, does a loop, runs to one end of the stadium, runs back. 

„Do you want to knock yourself out before official training has even started, mate?“

 

Zayn’s head shoots up as he hears the voice shout from the other end of the field and he doesn’t need more than five seconds to see who it is. 

 

„Nice to see you too Louis.“, Zayn shouts back and picks up the ball. 

 

Sweat is dripping down his hair and forehead and he notices only now how much time has passed. 

 

His football mate and friend moves closer to him and after a while they’re standing face to face. 

 

„I’d hug you but you’re fucking gross.“, Louis states and scrunches up his nose. 

Zayn only laughs. „Nothing you haven’t seen before.“ 

 

Louis shakes his head. „No, nothing. How have you been, mate? You excited for the upcoming league?“ 

 

„You mean if I’m ready to kick some ass? Hell yeah.“

This earns him a loud laugh from Louis, making Zayn smile. 

„Glad that you play with us now, bro. It’s gonna be awesome!“ 

 

The raven haired boy nods in agreement and wipes some sweat off his face. „Yeah, definitely.“ 

„And as much as I hate to admit it, Payne has been smashing it the last season I think we’ll have to prepare ourselves well.“ 

 

Zayn rolls his eyes and turns away from his friend. „He’s not even that great. We’ll manage just fine.“

 

Louis bites away a laugh and rubs a hand through his messy hair. „I’m not commenting on that.“

 

„Good.“, Zayn snarls and kicks the ball towards him. „Ready to get wet?“ 

 

„With you always.“ 

 

———————

 

„The first few games were amazing!“

 

„Have you watched them?“, Zayn asks and can’t help the smile that forms on his face. 

 

„We have watched all of them! Every single one of the 10 games. And I am so proud of you. You’ve been doing an amazing job so far!“, his mum shouts into the speaker and Zayn has to put the phone a few inches away from his ear. 

 

He shakes his head and lays down on his sofa, staring at the roof top. „Mum…“ 

 

„It’s the truth. I can’t believe how talented you are. It’s crazy.“ 

 

„I love you, Mum.“, Zayn whispers and plays with the hem of his shirt to keep himself busy. 

 

„I love you too. Good luck for the upcoming games, I know you’ll do great.“ 

 

Zayn nods, wishes her a good night and hangs up the phone before he can embarrass himself in any kind of way. 

 

His mum is right, the first few games of the league have been amazing. But it’s not surprising to Zayn, since he’s playing with one of the world’s most powerful football clubs. If it wouldn’t have been amazing then he would’ve been scared.  
But he’s not a fool either. He knows that playing against Real Madrid will be the biggest challenge. The final game. 

And since Liam Payne is playing for Real Madrid, it will be an even greater challenge. A challenge he has to win.  
It’s been a month and a half since he came back to Barcelona and started to train with them. He’s slowly getting used to the heat and the language but sometimes it still gives him a headache which is why he spent most of his free time in his little flat, sleeping, cooking and watching TV. 

 

Suddenly his phone rings again and he looks at the screen with a frown on his face, unsure wether to accept the call or ignore it. 

 

It’s Louis and Louis rarely calls so he picks up and holds the phone to his ear. „Louis?“ 

 

„Cheers to my best footie mate! You’re going out tonight. With us!“, Louis shouts into his ear and Zayn screws up his face and holds the phone away from him.

„Who is us?“

 

„The whole team! Hell, even Enrique is with us. Vinyals didn’t wanna come because he said he’s too old for that shit but you have no excuse. You’re coming. I will personally get you!“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip and massages his forehead with his fingers. „.. Look, Louis. Thanks for inviting me but I don’t really want to..“

 

„Fuck you. I’m not accepting a no. You’re coming and I don’t give a fuck about what you want. You always say no to everything. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. So be ready.“ 

 

With that Louis hangs up the phone, leaving Zayn speechless on the couch. He sighs and gets up, though, since he knows Louis to well and makes his way to his room. 

 

He gets dressed casually, a white shirt, black skinny jeans and black nikes. After putting on some cologne he styles his hair in a quiff, an unusual thing for him since he never really bothers to style his hair when it’s going to get wet with sweat most of the days. 

 

Then he lets himself fall on his bed, waiting for the bell to ring. 

 

Which it does after five more minutes. 

 

So Zayn gets up and makes his way towards the door, grabs his wallet, his keys and his phone and opens the door to be face to face with Louis. 

Louis blows out a whistle and grins. 

„Well hello there gorgeous. I always knew you were attractive, but not that attractive. You could easily be a model. Jesus Christ.“, Louis says and looks him up and down multiple times. 

Zayn just laughs and pushes past his friend, closes the door and locks it. „Don’t let Harry hear that, he won’t allow me to be near you ever again.“ 

 

„Harry knows that my heart belongs entirely to him. But seriously why are you so hot?“ 

 

Zayn shrugs as they make their way downstairs of the apartment and outside the building. „I don’t know?“ 

 

„You need to get some self confidence. And you need to go out more. And you need to style your hair like that more often.“, Louis states and pushes the door open and steps outside. 

 

Zayn can see a black car waiting for them right in front of his building and a driver waiting for them. 

The driver opens the door for the two young lads and they get in the cool car, getting away from the Barcelona heat. 

 

„We booked Pacha for ourselves. The lads literally invited their sisters, brothers, cousins, friends and whatnot to get it full so it should be a great night.“, Louis explains as the car begins to drive. 

 

„Alright. Will Harry be there?“ 

 

Louis looks at him with an arched eyebrow and a smug grin. „What kind of question even is that? Of course he’ll be there. It’s Harry.“ 

Zayn grins and nods in agreement. Of course, Harry loves every kind of party. Especially with the football team since Harry gets along with the lads almost better than Zayn and Louis themselves. 

 

He’s grateful though, since he knows he’ll have someone to talk to if everything gets boring. 

 

After a short drive, the car pulls up in front of the club and security guards and paparazzi are already waiting for them to get out. 

Zayn sighs and Louis gets the hint, opens the door and goes first so the first wave of attention will be guided at him. 

 

They enter the club, making their way downstairs where the music is already playing loudly, making Zayn’s heartbeat hammer in his chest and he can already hear people screaming and singing and shouting. 

 

He simply follows Louis, trying to avoid everyone around him and grabs his wrist to make sure he isn’t going to loose him. Once they finally make it to their secluded area, Zayn breathes in deeply and greets the whole team. 

„Zayn, good to see you, man.“, Neymar shouts into his ear and claps his back, a huge smile on his face. Zayn grins and simply nods.  
He definitely should go out more often, he thinks, as he sees his whole team united and ready to have a good night. 

Suddenly he feels a strong grip on his shoulder, grabbing him tightly. Zayn frowns.

„I hate to say this but don’t look around.“, Louis suddenly shouts into his ear.

 

„What the..“, Zayn says and of course, turns around and looks for the source of Louis’ sudden outburst. 

 

He sees him within seconds. 

 

Liam Payne, standing only a few meters away from him, a drink in his hand and two girls dressed like prostitutes in his arms, talking to a guy who looks so stoned Zayn’s scared he might fall over within the next second. 

 

Zayn’s blood begins to boil and he can feel a hand on his chest, pulling him back. „Zayn, bro, it’s not worth it. Calm down.“ 

He doesn’t know who’s talking to him but he doesn’t care. He shakes himself free from the hands on his body and jumps down the stairs, pushes himself through the crowd and tries to get to the outside area. 

Only a few meters more and he’ll be on the terrace. 

 

He walks past the security guys. And he’s outside. 

 

Take a deep breath in. A deep breath out. 

 

Relax. 

 

Zayn’s surprised at his own reaction, he hasn’t had a panic attack for a long time. Anxiety attacks sure, every single day, but a panic attack this heavy? That’s strange. 

His hands shake and he still feels on the edge of panic but it’s getting better and Zayn can feel himself slowly coming down. 

„Are you alright?“, Suárez asks and sits down next to him. He leaves him a little space but it’s good, it makes Zayn comfortable and secure and once again he feels extremely grateful to be part of such an amazing team. 

 

Zayn just runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. „I’m good. Haven’t had this in a long time. But I’ll manage.“ 

 

Suárez nods and gives his shoulder a soft push. „Don’t set so much pressure on yourself. You’re an amazing football player and you deserve to be here. With us.“ 

„Yeah. I don’t know. I feel like I can’t help it. It’s just always there.“, Zayn answers him and for the first time he feels like he’s being 100 percent honest with another person. 

 

The other man nods and looks at him for a while. „I don’t know how to help you. All I can say is that there’s no need for that. You are great. Don’t think so negatively of yourself.“ 

Zayn smiles at him and even though words are the last thing to help him, he still feels a little less panicked and tells Suárez to get back inside with him. 

 

—————————

 

He’s been dancing for a few hours now, moving his body to the beat of the music and enjoying himself so much he feels like there’s not a worry in this world. 

His teammates have taken turns on dancing with him and all in all Zayn’s having a really good time. 

 

„Okay, okay, I need a break.“, Zayn shouts into Gomes’ ear earning a laugh from him. 

„What, you? A break? No way!“, Gomes mocks him but Zayn simply laughs it off and makes his way to the bar to get some water. 

 

He pushes through some people and once leaning at the counter, the footballer waits for the waitress to take his order. 

 

„Malik.“, a voice behind him says and even though the voice isn’t loud it’s still sharp to his ears and it cuts through the sound of the club like glass. 

 

Zayn’s breathing gets hitched in his throat and he closes his eyes and waits for a few seconds before he turns around to face the only person he didn’t want to see tonight. Or ever, really. 

 

„Payne.“

 

Liam Payne looks him up and down and it’s such an intense stare, it drives Zayn wild. „You look good.“ 

 

Zayn rolls his eyes and snorts disgustedly. „Wish I could say the same about you.“ 

 

That’s a lie. Zayn knows it. Payne knows it. His team knows it. Obama knows it. The whole world knows it.

Liam is probably one of the most attractive football players out there with his strong muscular torso, slight hint of a beard, messy brown hair and puppy chocolate eyes and in person his aura is even stronger and more fascinating. 

Zayn isn’t blind, he always knew how good looking Payne was but it never occurred to him it would affect him this much in person. It’s the first time they meet for real after having seen each other in countless games on TV and pictures on Twitter and interviews. 

 

Liam just smiles slyly at Zayn and moves forward. „It’s great to finally meet you in person. Since it’s like a neck to neck thing between us.“ 

Zayn just raises his eyebrows and looks at him questionably. 

 

„You know, who’s the best young player.“ 

 

Zayn licks his lips and turns around to face the bar again. „There’s no neck to neck. Everyone knows it’s me.“

 

Now it’s Liam’s turn to raise his eyebrow and look at him surprised. „Is that so?“ 

 

Zayn ignores him and surges forward, hoping to get his water quickly and then disappear. But he’s getting ignored by the bartender. 

„Let me help you.“, Liam says and waves at the girl working behind the counter, mixing drinks.

Immediately the girl walks up to Liam and leans forward, tits on display almost shoving them into Liam’s face and Zayn can’t help but roll his eyes annoyed. 

The brown haired man turns to look at Zayn, asking him silently what he wants and Zayn shouts ‚Water!“ at him before Liam decides differently. 

 

He orders and the girl nods, almost running to give Liam the drinks and Zayn can’t help but feel disgusted. How can someone be so full of themselves and use everyone around them for their advantage? Zayn doesn’t get it. 

 

„No alcohol for you?“, Liam asks and he sounds genuinely interested but Zayn doesn’t care, it’s probably his way to get people anyway. 

 

So he just shakes his head and stares anywhere but Liam, wishing he could just leave this horrible conversation and never see him again. 

„You’re not very talkative, are you?“, Liam tries again. 

„No, I’m not. Especially not with you.“, Zayn snarls and taps at the chair nervously with his fingers. 

 

„Oh, feisty. Is that because you feel intimidated by my undeniably strong talent and good looks?“, he answers and takes the drinks from the bartender without a thank you. 

 

Zayn rolls his eyes and tries to get the water from Liam. 

 

„No no no. First you answer the question. Then you get your drink.“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip to keep himself from punching this asshole in the face but he manages to control his anger and fight back. 

„If you were twice as talented and good looking as you think you are you’d be half of what I am.“

 

With that Zayn puts a five euro bill in the pocket of Liam’s jeans, rips his water away from him and turns around on the spot and storms away. 

 

————————

 

„I’m sorry, Zayn!“, Louis shouts and runs up to him and hugs him, leaves kisses on his cheeks and runs a hand through his hair. 

 

Zayn laughs and shuffles around to get his crazy friend of him but it’s useless. „Louis! Get of me!“ 

 

„No! I’m sorry! I didn’t know Liam was there, I swear!“, Louis yells again and kisses him once more before he lets go. „Apparently Liam is a good friend of Digne’s cousin and since people were allowed to bring guests… I’m sorry!“ 

 

Zayn rolls his eyes and throws a tricot on. The other football players are busy getting changed for their training session which leads to Louis and him talking relatively undisturbed. 

 

„Chill, it’s okay!“, Zayn tries but Louis shakes his head. 

 

„I know how much you dislike him and being in the same club as him must have been awful. I’m sorry.“

„I didn’t even know you could be that sentimental and emotional. Where is sassy Louis who doesn’t give a fuck?“ 

 

„He disappeared a little when he saw you having a panic attack last night.“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip. That one stuck with him. „Okay, you won.“ 

 

„I’m sorry.“, Louis says again but Zayn shakes his head. 

 

„Let’s forget about it.“ 

 

„I have to say you and him did look cute together when you were talking at the bar.“, Suárez says and Zayn shoots his head around and stares at him in disbelief earning a bark of laughter coming from Louis. 

 

Suárez shrugs. „Just saying.“ 

 

„Don’t ever say anything again.“, Zayn groans and exits the changing rooms. 

 

———————

 

The season continues to be great, just as Zayn has predicted it to be. FC Barcelona leads with 70 points, Real Madrid close behind with 68 and there are only a few more games to win until they find themselves in the final of the Primera División. 

 

Zayn wants nothing more than to win and get the trophy and celebrate with his mates but he knows that he shouldn’t underestimate the opposite team. Shouldn’t underestimate Payne. 

 

He’s been incredible the whole season. Zayn obviously watched the other games in which Payne had played and Zayn can’t lie, Liam is a special talent. 

It makes his stomach churn and he rather wants to jump out of a window than admit it out loud but it’s true. 

 

So when Zayn runs through his twitter timeline responding to tweets and messages he doesn’t expect to see a notification from no other than Liam Payne. 

He clicks on the tweet from the footballer and reads it quickly. It’s an answer to a fan. 

 

@Lulu_RealMadridFan: Even if Liam Payne will always be my favorite player of all times, I have to admit @ZaynMalikOfficial looked extremely hot this season 

@LiamPayneFC: @Lulu_RealMadridFan I noticed that too ;-) 

Zayn’s heart beats extremely fast and his throat suddenly feels very dry and he doesn’t know what to do or say. Should he even respond to that? Should he do anything? 

 

@ZaynMalikOfficial: @LiamPayneFC if there were only other features about me than my great looks sigh 

 

Yes, that’s a good response. Right? Before he can think of anything else he posts it and shuts down the Laptop. He bites on his thumbnail, the nerves already eating him alive and he wants to kick himself for reacting like a little school girl. What is wrong with him? Why does Liam Payne get under his skin so much? 

 

His phone beeps telling him Liam already responded and within seconds he opens up the twitter app and looks at his notifications. 

 

@LiamPayneFC: @ZaynMalikOfficial I’m sure there are plenty 

 

For some strange reason that response makes him smile and he locks his phone and falls down onto his bed. 

 

Liam Payne will be the death of him, he can feel it. 

 

—————

 

„FUCK!“, Neymar shouts and jumps onto Zayn’s back. „We’re in the final! We’re in the goddamn final! Can you believe it? Fuck, yeah!“ 

 

Zayn’s full of sweat and he’s laughing like a maniac, thousands of fans screaming and shouting and celebrating with them. 

 

The final whistle was just blown signaling that FC Barcelona is in the final of the Primera División. 

 

Zayn hugs his teammate, being the happiest person tonight and screaming with his friends out of pure joy. 

 

„We need to go out!“, Suárez screams and Zayn thinks, yeah why not, let’s go out. 

 

So that’s how he finds himself sitting in a quiet luxury bar in the Spanish town Villarreal, sipping on his water and eating some cashews watching his bandmates talking loudly and drinking a little. 

 

Zayn however, feels exhausted and tired but in a good way and simply wants to sit here in a quiet corner and watch the people he loves have a good time. 

 

He decides to step outside and get some fresh air and makes his way to the rooftop of the bar, walks up the stairs and enters the terrace. 

 

It’s beautiful, it really is and he watches the sunset with a feeling of pure fulfillment, like this is exactly where he’s meant to be. It’s dark and the lights on the terrace make a wonderful atmosphere. 

 

„Malik.“ 

 

Zayn turns around and could his life be anymore cliche? 

„What the hell are you doing here?“, Zayn asks and narrows his eyes at Liam Payne, sitting in a corner of the terrace. 

„Players of the Primera División are invited to watch every single game, didn’t you know that?“, Liam asks and takes a sip of his drink. 

 

The way the man sits there with his grey jeans, white button up shirt, rolex and nike shoes makes him look like one of those annoying rich kids who throw out money like it’s nothing but the way he smiles when he talks to Zayn makes him question it all. 

 

„I do. I just didn’t think you would actually care and come to a game that isn’t exactly relevant to you.“, Zayn answers and stays right where he is just because. 

 

„Every single game is relevant to me, Zayn. It’s soccer.“ 

 

Zayn raises an eyebrow at that and walks up to the handrail to have a better look at the sky. 

 

„You don’t believe me. Why not?“, Liam asks behind him and Zayn closes his eyes. 

„You just don’t seem passionate about what you do.“ 

 

Liam is quiet for a while and Zayn can feel his heartbeat speeding up a little. 

 

„You don’t know a thing about me. So screw you.“ 

 

Zayn turns around, slightly shocked at his sudden outburst and watches Liam getting up and ready to leave. 

 

„See you in the final.“, Zayn mumbles but he doesn’t receive a response. 

 

————————

 

Zayn is anxious. 

 

He’s sweating and he’s panicking and he hates himself and he hates everything and he wants to cry. 

 

The player can’t even eat anything just because of the final starting in less than two hours and he knows he’s going to fail. 

 

He’s sitting in the changing room, hidden from everyone else, his hands trembling and his mind going crazy about all the things that could possibly go wrong. 

 

„Zayn, there you are!“, Vinyals says and Zayn looks up as his trainer steps into the changing room and sits down next to him. 

 

He puts a hand over Zayn’s trembling ones and doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, simply lets Zayn adjust to him. 

„Take a deep breath in. Breathe out again. Everything is going to be fine. Stop worrying. You’ll do great.“, the older man softly says and Zayn tries to follow his words. 

 

„I feel like everything will go wrong. Because of me.“, Zayn mumbles but Vinyals shakes his head and tightens the grip around his hands. 

„You are one of our most talented players with the brightest future ahead. You’re twenty one, you have only a little experience. The fact that I want to use you in our final means how much trust I have in you. And I know you will kick Payne’s ass tonight, okay?“

This makes Zayn laugh and he nods, grateful for having such an amazing coach and he hugs him quickly before he decides differently. 

„And Zayn?“, Vinyals says before he gets up. „I have a little surprise for you. I know how important your family is and I invited them here to watch you play. I hope that was the right thing to do.“

 

Zayn’s heart swells at hearing those words and a huge smile puts itself on his face. „Oh man, where are they?“ 

 

„They’re waiting in my office, you can go and say hello!“, his trainer answers and Zayn hugs him once more. 

 

„Thank you!“, Zayn shouts and gets up, runs through the halls towards the office of his trainer and once he bursts through the door he’s face to face with five familiar faces smiling happily at him. 

 

Without saying a word he falls into the arms of his parents and his sisters and lets them hug the last breath that is left in Zayn’s lungs out of him. He can feel his mother’s heartbeat beating steadily, can smell his fathers cologne and his sisters hairspray and he also feels his other sister’s gel nails drawing small patterns into his back and nothing has ever calmed the boy more than this. 

He tries to let go of all the worries about the big game and simply focuses on this moment right now and he definitely needs to send Vinyals a thank you present.

„I’m so glad you are here.“, he whispers and finally pulls away. 

„Wouldn’t miss the big game, hu?“, Yaser states and pats him on the back. 

„I’d wish you good luck but you don’t need it anyways.“, Doniya reasoned making Zayn laugh and push her a little. 

„I have one hour left, should probably go back to my team. Do you guys have seats?“, Zayn asks and steps from one foot to another. 

 

His mum nods. „Your trainer has taken care of everything.“ 

„He even organized a really cute hotel!“, Safaa adds and pulls out her phone to show him pictures. 

He lets it happen since he doesn’t see her very often nowadays but once she’s done he kisses his mum on the cheek and waves the others goodbye and makes his way back to the changing rooms to meet the players. 

 

————————

Zayn’s not waiting for Liam. He’s not. 

 

As they’re standing on the field, everyone already going to their positions he’s not looking around to catch a slight look at Liam’s face, he’s not searching for his tricot and he’s definitely not waiting for Liam to look at Zayn. 

 

Liam is his last priority. 

 

So Zayn makes sure that his shoes are tied, his shorts sit well, his tricot is the right way and his hair is pushed out of his face with a headband. He definitely needs to get a haircut soon but that still has time after the season has finished. 

 

Messi makes his way to the midfield to make the kick-off, signaling for all the players to get ready and be focused. 

 

Only a few more minutes. 

 

The stadium goes wild. 

 

Everyone’s screaming and shouting, making sounds with little plastic instruments and Zayn tries his hardest to not let it get to his head. 

 

It is quite confusing having so many people scream at you and even if most of the players feel like it’s motivating, for him it’s a little unnerving. 

 

A few more seconds. 

 

The referee blows the whistle. 

 

The game starts. 

 

It’s like a switch has been pushed and everything suddenly clicks and Zayn isn’t human anymore but completely focused on the game. 

 

He begins to run, gets the ball, passes it to his teammate, runs around, blocks a defense player tries his best, gives it all. 

 

This goes on for about thirty minutes when Messi finally manages to strike a goal. The whole stadium goes wild as the entire team runs to the man and jumps on top of him, screaming and chanting and going absolutely mental. 

 

And Zayn’s right there, right in the heart of it, feels the adrenaline and the rush and he loves it, loves it so much that it’s worth every second of anxiety. 

 

He’s smiling so much, ripping the headband of his head and throws it into the crowd, not caring about anything, not caring if anyone will even catch it, he’s just so happy that he doesn’t care about anything. 

 

That is until he turns around and looks a certain young man right in the eye. Liam. 

 

He doesn’t look too sad or too broken down, he just looks tired and a little exhausted, sweat dripping down his face and his hair sticking to his forehead. Liam still looks like a goddess and it makes Zayn incredibly angry that a man, who has it all, who has everything Zayn has ever wanted, who Zayn dislikes so much for so many reasons, manages to make his blood go hot. 

 

Liam nods at him and gives him a hint of sloped smile and Zayn has to turn away and hug Louis before he does something stupid. 

 

——————————

 

The game continues and it scares Zayn how much energy Liam brings on, how badly he wants it and how extremely skilled he runs past every player. 

 

He just knows that Liam is going to score a goal, he feels it, so when it finally happens, he’s not surprised at all. 

 

It’s a beautiful goal, Zayn has to admit, maybe even the most beautiful goal of the season and the look on Liam’s face is so pure, so happy, so proud, so fulfilled it’s something a camera for TV never could have caught. 

 

And Zayn begins to ask himself if maybe Liam was right, maybe he didn’t know him as well as he thought he did.  
After the whole team of Real Madrid has cheered and has celebrated and the team of FC Barcelona hugged and motivated each other to keep going, the game continues but before the whistle blows Liam looks right at Zayn, stares into his eyes, almost as if to seek approval. 

Zayn can’t give him that though so he just looks away and bites his lip.

 

Now with the score level at 1 all there has to be another goal or there will be overtime which both teams highly want to avoid, but Zayn knows that both teams are equally strong and there won’t be another goal without a big amount of luck. 

 

But he continues to give 100 percent and fights for the ball as if his life depended on it with no real success. It’s almost as if Zayn tries to run through a wall, it’s not possible and he can feel both teams slowly getting frustrated.

 

No team manages to score another goal for the next thirty minutes leaving only ten minutes to play and making the players become a little desperate. 

 

Which is the reason why suddenly Zayn feels a strong and violent grip on his shirt and a foot kicking him right in his knee pit, dragging him down to the floor and making him scream in pain. 

 

He’s lying on the grass, holding his leg and covering himself from the cameras as the pain shoots up his entire body like thousand knifes cutting through his skin and although Zayn has felt a lot of physical pain this definitely is one of the worst he has experienced in a really long time. 

 

Tears are forming in his eyes and he’s desperately trying to keep his breathing steady but it’s hard when the pain makes his lungs go tight. 

 

A hand touches his hip and slides up his side, resting on his back to give some comfort. 

 

The hurt man expects Louis or Suárez to speak up but when a soft voice talks to him, he feels a shiver down his spine. 

 

„Zayn, how bad is it?“, Liam whispers and Zayn can feel the warmth radiating from the other man. 

 

Zayn shakes a little but not because of the pain and mumbles his response. „It’s bad.“ 

 

„You’re bleeding quite heavily. I can’t believe Rodríguez did that. That was a terrible foul.“

 

Zayn slowly moves his arm to have a peek at the player and almost shrieks as he sees him crouching in front of him, face only a few centimeters away and a concerned look clearly visible. 

 

„The doctors are here, are you ready to get up?“, he asks and strokes Zayn’s arm gently, making it tingle everywhere he touches it. 

 

Zayn nods and turns on his back, making space for the doctors to get close to him and have a look at his knee. 

 

There’s blood on the lawn and his knee hurts like hell but he bites his lip and shields his face with one arm. 

 

After a few quick touches here and there the doctors spray his knee, wipe away the blood and wrap a bandage around it and to secure it all they put a kneepad on top. 

 

„How’re you feeling? You good to play?“, a doctor asks him and Zayn is silent for a while. 

 

Liam’s still next to him, still looking very concerned. „I don’t know what to say. Your knee looks bad but this is the final and I know how badly you want to play.“ 

 

Zayn keeps quiet. The pain is bearable now that a kneepad holds it all together but he’s not sure how badly the damage really is. 

„Help me up?“, Zayn asks and Liam immediately holds him a hand to grab and slides his arm around his back to help him back on his feet. 

Once Zayn’s standing he can feel the pain shoot right through his body like lightning and he hisses through his teeth. There’s no way he’ll be able to play. 

„No.“, he grits out and shakes himself free from Liam. 

 

Zayn shakes his head and lets his hair fall into his face to hide his utter disappointment and waves the doctors to help him get off the field. He can’t believe the final game which he worked so hard for would end like this. 

 

The doctors immediately come at him and keep him steady at each side and together they make their way to the side of the field and all Zayn wants to do right now is sleep his frustration off and not feel a damn thing. 

His family is here to watch him and he has to get hurt and has to get carried off the field, how fucking pathetic and idiotic. Zayn is so angry and sad it fills up his whole body. 

 

Once they’re in the nursing room ready to inspect his wound and take care of his leg Zayn lays down and closes his eyes. 

A TV is set on the wall showing the game but Zayn doesn’t want to see it. Doesn’t want to hear it. Zayn has to keep his eyes closed so he won’t see what’s happening outside. 

 

„What the hell is he doing?“, one of the doctors shouts and Zayn scrunches up his face in confusion and does look up.

All nurses and the two doctors are crowded in front of the TV staring intensively at the game and Zayn can’t help but have a look as well. 

The display shows Liam in full rage arguing with the referee about something and he looks so mad it’s almost scary. His veins are showing and he’s shouting and sweat is dripping off his face and Zayn wonders what has happened that made him so mad. 

 

„What happened?“, the hurt footballer asks and tries to sit up but a tiny nurse turns around and pushes him down again. 

„He wants Rodríguez to get a red card for fouling you. The referee wanted to give him only yellow but Payne doesn’t agree with that and now he’s arguing with him.“, the woman explains with a high pitched voice and a thick spanish accent. 

 

Zayn’s eyebrows scrunch up in confusion and he tries to get a look at the TV again. „What the hell?“ 

 

Why would Liam go against his own team? Why would he want his own teammate to receive a red card? Is he completely mental? 

 

Zayn can’t remember anything like this in football world’s history ever and he’s so surprised and speechless it distracts him from his own misery almost entirely. 

 

He’s so shocked and confused he doesn’t know what to say. 

 

The referee seems to give in and give Rodríguez a red card and also give FC Barcelona a free kick for the foul. 

 

Of course Louis manages to score a goal with that. 

 

The entire crowd goes crazy, everyone screaming and shouting for Barcelona and for their win but Zayn can’t really cope. 

 

He’s still staring mindlessly at the screen, almost as if he was in a haze not able to move or speak. Why did Liam risk his own team’s loss for a foul directed at Zayn? What has gotten into him? 

 

And now Zayn’s definitely sure he has no clue who Liam is. 

 

————————

 

Zayn’s sitting in the booth the guys of the Barca team have rented at a club he doesn’t even know the name of and he’s sipping on his water, still a little depressed over his injury.  
He can’t celebrate with his teammates, even if he wanted to, he feels like he isn’t part of their win and it drives him crazy. 

 

The guys seemed to have noticed his passive behavior and left him alone for the most part, letting him sulk in the booth and not talk to him too much. 

 

Zayn doesn’t care how childish he behaves, he really doesn’t. He just wants to feel sad for tonight, for himself. 

 

„I was hoping to find you.“, a voice shouts behind him over the loud music and Zayn turns around. 

 

„Hey.“, he simply grumbles and sinks into himself. 

 

„Did you wish to see someone else?“, Harry asks and sits down next to him. 

 

„No.“, he lies and takes another sip of his water. 

 

„What Liam did tonight was absolutely crazy. Everyone’s talking about it. But it was only fair. I don’t know if you watched some videos of the foul already but it looks so crazy the way he just pulled you down and kicked you from behind. How are you then?“ 

 

„I’m shit.“, Zayn replies truthfully because he doesn’t have the energy to lie. 

 

„I can imagine. I’m really sorry, Zayn.“

 

„It’s not your fault… It’s just not fair.“, he mumbles and looks down at his hands. 

 

Harry gently touches his thigh and gives him a small encouraging nod. „I know you didn’t wish to see anyone but if you do they’re outside at the terrace.“ 

 

And with that Harry sits up and pushes his way through the crowd of dancing people, probably searching for Louis. 

 

Zayn bites his lip. 

 

Should he go? 

 

He’s already up grabbing his crutches and making his way outside before he knows the answer. 

 

There are people making some space for him which speeds up the way a little and he’s glad that within a few minutes he’s outside breathing in some fresh air and escaping the loud music. 

 

It’s dark and he can’t find Liam right away so he just stands there like a lost puppy looking for his owner and he’s narrowing his eyes but it doesn’t help he can’t find him in the dim light so he exhales tiredly and moves to a quiet corner and plops down into the soft cushions of the couch and contemplates wether to just go home and sleep for twelve years or stay. 

 

„Hey.“ 

 

His eyes shoot open at the sound and he sees Liam standing right in front of him, wearing a black shirt, his rolex, grey washed out jeans with an expensive looking belt and some designer shoes he doesn’t know the name of. 

 

Liam looks good, as always, but the powerful smile he’s wearing on his face makes his looks complete. 

 

„Hi.“, Zayn tries and awkwardly tries to shift away the crutches. 

 

„It’s okay, don’t worry.“, he insists and moves closer to Zayn and finally lets himself fall next to the raven haired boy. „How are you?“ 

 

„Are you crazy?“, Zayn spits out before he can stop and wants to slap himself mentally.

 

Liam tilts his head and looks at him amused. „What?“ 

 

„I mean… why did you insist on Rodríguez to get a red card? You knew what the consequences would be.“ 

 

„He made a huge mistake. He behaved unathletically. I can’t support that.“, he answers without waiting a beat. 

Zayn shakes his head. „But it’s your team. Your mate. You … I just … I don’t understand.“ 

 

„Maybe one day you will. I couldn’t stand the thought that he could do something like that just to win. Winning is not everything.“ 

 

Zayn snorts in disbelief and stares at Liam for a while. „To me winning is everything.“ 

 

Liam shakes his head and moves forward, eyes calm and steady. „That’s the point. My team lost today but it was an amazing game and I’m proud of every second and I enjoyed it. All you wanted however was to win. To prove it to people. To make others proud. And even though you won, you can’t enjoy it because you feel like you’ve failed. Which you didn’t. But that’s what it feels like to you because all that matters to you is proving yourself to the world, to your friends, to your family, to me. It will ruin the sport for you.“ 

 

Zayn is speechless. He wishes he could make a snarky comment, tell Liam he’s wrong and that he doesn’t know him, that he’s an asshole who judges people without knowing them but it’s almost as if his tongue isn’t there anymore and he can’t form any words. 

 

Liam doesn’t say anything either, simply stares at him with this calm expression that shows off so much power and confidence and if Zayn could he would get up and leave, run away as fast as he could but his leg is injured and he’s on crutches and he can’t go anywhere because Liam’s blocking the way.

 

The other man clears his throat and shuffles back. „So how is your leg then? What did the doctors say?“ 

 

Zayn tries to swallow but his throat feels incredibly dry. „Um… I have a slight cruciate rupture. It’s not too bad. I’ll need a lot of physiotherapy but I’ll get back on track.“ 

 

„Of course you will.“, he states and it doesn’t sound arrogant or mocking or sarcastic. It sounds like Liam genuinely believes that Zayn will recover in no time. 

And - 

it’s nice. 

 

To have someone believe in you without even really knowing you. 

 

To have someone to accept what you say without questioning it or trying to deny it. 

 

Zayn looks at him for a very long time and the silence between them is surprisingly comfortable so that they both don’t say a word. 

 

He eventually does though. „My family is here.“ 

 

Liam raises his eyebrows. „That’s good.“ 

 

„It is, yeah.“ 

 

Zayn doesn’t say anything else. 

„…Do you want them to be here?“ 

He bites his lip and takes a deep breath. „I don’t know.“ 

 

Liam doesn’t push him so they fall into silence once again. 

 

„Stop with the pressure you put on yourself. It’d be a shame if you broke under it.“ 

 

And with that, the man gets up and moves away from the boy with such a graceful posture, Zayn’s surprised he’s a soccer player and not a dancer. 

 

That’s the first time someone hasn’t said ‚I’m so proud of you, Zayn. You’re so great, Zayn.‘ and he thinks, maybe this way works better. 

 

——————————

It’s been extremely hard to get back on track.

 

Sure, the season is over and he has a lot of time to rest and relax from the pressure but he’s been having physiotherapy almost every single day. 

 

He’s been in the water, he’s been doing stretches, all sorts of things to get his knee better but it’s such a draining process and Zayn’s never been patient. 

 

He wants to be well enough to play, wants to run around, kick the ball, feel his muscles and sweat like he just came out of the shower but it’s not possible. 

 

So he spends his time in his flat in London which he shares with Niall, working with a therapist on his knee and watching series and movies and getting frustrated by his slow process. 

 

„Jesus, Zayn. What is wrong with you? Go outside and get some fresh air. Call your parents. Do something.“, Niall commands as he enters his room and throws a trash magazine at his face. 

 

He punches it away and grumbles. „Fuck off.“ 

 

„Your knee will get better but it takes time! Stop moping around waiting for it to get better and actually do something about your situation!“, Niall shouts and lets himself fall onto Zayn’s bed. 

 

„I want to move. And I can’t do that. So I get frustrated.“, he mutters and pauses his series. 

 

„You’re always frustrated. I can’t remember a time where you haven’t felt frustrated over something.“

 

Zayn tries to argue, usually he would’ve, but for some reason Liam’s words come back to his mind and he shuts his mouth.

 

„I’m sorry.“, he mumbles instead, causing Niall’s head to jump up and look at him varyingly. 

 

„What did you just say?“

 

„I said I’m sorry for always being miserable. I know I’m negative but I can’t help it.“ 

 

„Zayn. I’ve known you for more than ten years now. We basically grew up together. I know how hard your childhood was, constantly in fear of not having enough food, water, if you could stay in your flat or not. Wether you would come home to your mum crying and your dad shouting or not. Wether you had to pick up your little sisters from kindergarten because your parents had to work extra hours.“ 

 

Zayn avoids his friends’ gaze and looks down at his own hands. 

 

„You grew up with constant fear. Constant pressure. It’s completely normal that you are the way you are. Stop beating yourself up for your own flaws and start appreciating yourself!“ 

 

Zayn nods and opens up his arms. 

 

For a second Niall simply stares at him surprised but after collecting himself, he lets him fall into his friend’s arms and cuddles into his body. Zayn lets it happen. 

 

„I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.“, Niall mumbles making Zayn laugh. 

 

„Shut up and enjoy it while it lasts“, Zayn argues and gives his friend a quick kiss on his forehead. 

 

They stay like this for a few more seconds until Niall decides it’s enough and pulls away. „Go and get a life. I trust you to make the right decision.“ 

 

Zayn laughs, nods and gives him a thumbs up as Niall turns around and leaves the room. 

 

Just as Zayn wants to continue his series, his laptop signals him that the battery is almost empty. He groans and pulls over to the floor where his charger lies. 

 

As he grabs for it his eyes lands on the trash magazine Niall had thrown at him as he had entered the room and in big bold letters it says ‚Liam Payne Lust or Love with those three unknown lovers?“

 

And indeed there on the cover of the magazine are three pictures of no other than Liam Payne; one with a girl that looks like a prostitute, the other with a girl that could easily be a victoria’s secret model and the third with a guy that has a body that looks like he’s been photoshopped multiple times to look even more attractive. 

 

Zayn knows it doesn’t matter, he knows he should just throw it away and ignore it and not continue to read it because 90 percent of the content is fake anyways but it’s Liam and he can’t resist so he opens the magazine and searches for the pages with the article about him. 

 

Within seconds he finds a three pages long article about Payne’s holiday in Ibiza with a private yacht and a private DJ and loads of champagne, girls and boys and rumored drugs. The article describes in perfect detail how Liam paid more than 65.000 Euros on his perfect vacation the costs for the yacht excluded and partied for three weeks straight with ‚friends‘ and lovers. 

 

Zayn feels sick. 

 

He can already feel his breakfast saying hello again and he wishes he had never read that stupid article. 

 

He has heard that stuff about Liam many times before which was the main reason why he disliked him so much but he had actually thought he was wrong about him, had let himself be fooled by the media and the press and mistaken him but now that he sees the pictures of Liam drinking and doing drugs on a yacht that costs more than five years of the income his parents used to work hours and hours for he can’t help but feel disgusted by him all over again. 

Liam seems nice for a few minutes but his true character is wasting money like it’s nothing and harming himself and the people around him. That’s how he grew up. 

 

Zayn isn’t like that. He’ll never be like that. And he decides that putting unnecessary amount of pressure on himself is twenty times better than throwing his money out of the window and ruin his body. 

 

——————————

 

„No fucking way.“, Zayn calmly says and tries to not scream at his trainers wether they’re fucking joking or not. 

 

„Zayn, we understand how hard this is for you. We are aware that you have your problems with Payne. But transferring him to FC Barcelona is the best thing we could possibly do.“, Enrique explains and folds his hands. 

 

Zayn simply shakes his head. „No. I’m not going to work with him. He’s a horrible person and his attitude is terrible. I can’t support this.“ 

 

„Zayn, I’m afraid this isn’t your decision. Payne is one of the most talented players out there and when he turned his back against Real Madrid in the final, it was crystal clear he couldn’t play there anymore. He needs a good team and we need him.“, Vinyals counters. 

 

Zayn crosses his arms in front of his chest. „We don’t need him. We’re good enough without him.“ 

 

„But we’re better with him. You’re the first person to know because we care about you but we need you to understand how important this deal is and we expect you to show us a great amount of cooperation and that you’ll be as professional and focused as you always are.“ 

 

„I am. I’m not too sure if he is.“, Zayn responds and clicks his tongue. 

 

He can’t believe that Payne is going to be his new teammate from now one. It’s as his life keeps getting worse and worse. 

 

—————————

„Did you hear?“, Louis shouts through the phone. „Payne is transferring to FC Barcelona.“ 

 

Zayn grits his teeth and grips his phone a little tighter. „I have.“ 

 

„Fuck. If that isn’t some kind of news.“

 

„Whatever.“

 

„Are you okay?“, Louis asks carefully. 

 

„Not really.“ 

 

„I thought you two finally managed to get along.“ 

 

„We’ll never really get along. Our priorities are just too different.“ 

 

„… As long as it won’t affect the team.“, Louis mumbles. 

„It won’t as long as he gets a grip on himself.“

 

Louis doesn’t say anything to that. 

 

——————————

After two weeks in Barcelona without playing where his only purpose pretty much is to play soccer he had started to feel a little mental. 

But now that training is starting again, he feels like he can finally do what he was meant to do all along.

 

Zayn’s already on the pitch in his football gear, kicking the ball around and getting used to the feeling of finally being able to run after having to rest for almost two and a half months but his knee still feels a little wobbly and he knows he has to be careful which pisses him off a little. 

 

But he’s grateful that he’s up on his legs again after quite a short time and without any further complications so he guesses he has to take what he gets. 

 

Also with the champions league coming up he needs to be on his best form again so that means no risks that could harm his healing process.

 

Vinyal and Enrique gather together the team following them closely and Zayn slowly makes his way towards them to take part in the discussion. 

 

„So, guys. We’d like to formerly introduce you to Liam Payne, who, from now on, will play for us with us.“

 

Everyone applauds and whistles. Zayn halfheartedly joins. 

 

„This is our first official training with him so please be kind and show him what you’ve got.“, Enrique states, earning a fit of laughter from the others. 

„Liam, would you like to say anything?“, Vinyals asks and Zayn’s head shoots up, searching for Liam, who is covered by the other players. 

 

Zayn shuffles around a little to get a glimpse of the male but it’s difficult since they’re all extremely tall and broad. 

 

„Thank you for your nice welcome. I’m very pleased to play for FC Barcelona and I promise to give my best. I’m looking forward to a great time together.“, Liam announces, making everyone clap again which leads to Zayn rolling his eyes. 

 

He’s grateful that no one saw and he turns around to get ready for training. 

 

Even though his knee still hurts, he manages to work through the first half of the training without needing a break. He’s extremely proud of himself and can’t stop grinning as he dribbles past some road cones, sweat dripping down his forehead and the success even makes him forget Payne. 

 

Suddenly he feels eyes on him and he looks up to see why he has that weird feeling that someone’s watching him and just as he’s about to take a turn he sees Liam standing a few meters away from him observing him. 

 

Zayn’s so caught off guard that his knee gives in and he falls to the ground. 

 

„Fuck.“, he hisses. It obviously was a tiny accident, nothing major and he doesn’t feel any pain but his trainers and a few of the players immediately run up to him.

 

„Zayn, are you ok?“, Neymar asks and claps his back. 

 

„Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I wasn’t attentive for a second and lost coordination of my knee but it’s all good.“ 

 

„No, that’s enough training for today. Go get some water and have some rest.“, Enrique orders and helps him up. 

 

„No, I swear, I’m good, it doesn’t even hurt, it’s great“, Zayn tries but Vinyals interrupts him. 

 

„Zayn!“, he warns and the look he gives him shows that there’s no room for arguments. 

Zayn sighs and bites the inside of his cheek angrily and makes his way back to the benches. 

 

He plops down and drinks half a bottle of water, pulling out his phone and texting Niall back when suddenly someone interrupts his anger. 

 

„They’re right. You should spare yourself more.“, Liam reasons making the blood boil in Zayn’s chest even harder. 

„Don’t tell me what to do.“, he snaps and takes another sip of water. 

 

Liam looks taken aback for a second and stares at him before he answers. „Okay. Sorry. You obviously know when you’ve had enough.“ 

„Yeah, I do.“, Zayn snarls. „Do you?“

 

Liam narrows his eyes and licks his lips. „I don’t know what you mean.“ 

 

„I hope you had a great time in Ibiza, pictures looked great.“, Zayn says with fake enthusiasm and he can literally see on Liam’s face when he begins to understand. 

 

„Zayn…“, he tries but Zayn’s already up. 

 

„Don’t. You’ll only make it worse.“

 

And with that he leaves the pitch to get a shower and get changed. 

 

——————

 

A loud knock on the door wakes Zayn up and for a second he completely forgets where he is until everything comes back into focus. 

 

He’s in Barcelona. He’s in his flat he lives in when he’s here. There are ten security codes at his building so whoever is outside the door can’t be a robber or murderer. 

 

So Zayn gets up without checking the time and drags himself to the door and opens it. 

 

„Liam?“

 

„Sorry. I know it’s late. But I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said earlier. So I asked Louis to give me your number but you didn’t reply. And then I called Louis to tell me where you live and I’m surprised he actually told me including all the passwords to your flat. And by the way unicornprincess002 as a password for your elevator? Really? We need to talk about that one.“ 

 

Zayn simply stares at the man in disbelief mouth hanging open a little not quite believing that Liam Payne actually stands in front of him at his door. 

 

„Can I come in?“, Liam asks and Zayn hesitantly nods. 

 

He shuffles to the side and makes room for the brown haired man who gets off his luxury shoes and his black leather jacket only to reveal himself in a grey shirt and grey washed out jeans shorts. 

 

„Do you want something to drink?“, Zayn asks not quite sure how to handle this situation. He’s thankful when Liam shakes his head. 

„Let’s go to the living room then.“, Zayn suggests and moves to the living room, not really caring if Liam follows or not. 

 

He lets himself fall onto the couch leaving enough space for Liam to get comfortable, which he does. 

Zayn doesn’t feel like he has to start talking now so he simply waits for Liam to speak up again and do something. 

 

„I don’t understand what you meant with your comment.“, Liam begins to say. 

 

„The ibiza comment?“ 

 

Liam nods. 

 

„It’s a personal thing. I’m trying to not let it all out on you but it’s hard. For some reason you always manage to rile me up.“ 

 

„Why?“, Liam asks carefully and damn, if that isn’t the question Zayn has been asking himself for the past year. 

 

Why does Zayn dislike Liam so much? Why does everything Liam does or say make Zayn’s blood go hot? Why does Liam look so good? Why does Liam have so much power over him? Why? 

 

„I can’t say. I don’t know myself.“, Zayn mumbles and looks down at his hands. 

 

„Please talk to me. We’re playing for the same team now, hating me will make our jobs much harder.“ 

 

Zayn nods. „I can’t really put it into words. It’s just a feeling.“ 

 

„Explain it to me then.“ 

 

„… I … get very easily very frustrated with you.“ 

 

„Okay.“ 

 „The way you live and the way you handle things is just so completely different to me, I feel like we’re never going to work. It’s like fire and ice.“ 

 

„I’m not sure if I understand what you mean.“ 

 

„You have the popular jock life, I have the geek life. You go out on parties and hook up, get drunk and take drugs just like in school and I’m that weird guy who sits in the corner with a book and watches the whole scene with an eye roll.“ 

 

Liam simply watches him as he pulls up his knees.

„Does this make any sense?“ 

 

„It does, technically. But not logically.“ 

 

„Why not?“, Zayn asks and plays nervously with his hands. 

„You say you’re the weird guy who watches everything, but that would mean that no one notices you or pays you any attention. That’s not the case.“ 

 

Zayn frowns at that and tilts his head. 

 

„The whole word is paying attention to you. You’re like the centre. But you’re so caught up in your own little world that you don’t even realize. You don’t even notice.“ 

 

„Okay, I might get noticed but that doesn’t change that I feel like you’re living a life I don’t agree with.“ 

 

„But that’s a stupid problem you have with me then.“ 

 

„Is it? I don’t think so.“ 

 

„There are people who murder children, people who stole money from their bosses, people who sell drugs to teenagers. And you’re mad at me that I don’t live a life god worthy?“ 

 

He doesn’t say anything to that. 

 

„You put all your anger on me because it’s easier than to lay it all on yourself. You would and you actually do to a big extend but there’s only so much your body can take so the rest goes all to me. I’m okay with that, if it helps you to feel better about yourself. But you don’t seem like it. You seem confused and exhausted by constantly hating me and cursing me for the things I do. And I’m confused and exhausted too because all I want is to have a good relationship to you, especially now that we work together.“ 

 

Zayn nods. 

„I don’t know how to help you. If anyone can help you, really. But if you don’t work on yourself, you’ll eventually break and no one wants that, okay?“ 

 

They share an intensive moment for a few seconds and Zayn feels so exposed under Liam’s stare, almost as if his naked soul was bare in front of him. Liam breaks that bond by sitting up and stretching his body. 

„Having said that I think it’s time to go home.“ 

Zayn nods and tries to give him a smile but he feels so vulnerable, it’s hard to offer him anything right now when it feels like he already has everything. 

 

So he gets up and moves past Liam to guide him to the door. 

 

„I really meant what I said. I want us to be all good. Maybe even more. But that’ll never happen if… you know“, Liam tries again and Zayn nods. 

 

He knows. „Yeah.“ 

 

Liam looks at him again as if he’s contemplating about saying anything else but he keeps his mouth shut and puts his hands into his pockets. 

 

Then he opens the door and steps outside. 

 

„I’m sorry, Liam.“, Zayn rushes out before his mind can catch up. „I’m not doing it on purpose. Not really.“ 

 

Liam nods. „I know. That’s why I was here tonight. If you really hated me I would’ve told you to fuck off months ago.“ 

„Why didn’t you? I wasn’t exactly nice.“ 

 

„No. But I see potential. And I have hope.“ 

 

Zayn simply stares at the man in front of him. 

 

„Goodnight Zayn.“ 

 

„Goodnight Liam.“ 

 

And with that he turns around and walks to the stairs, slowly jogging them down. 

 

Zayn stares at him for a really long time, thousand thoughts running through his head. 

 

—————————

„Hey, can I talk to you for a second?“, Zayn asks after opening the door to Enrique’s office where his trainer sits behind a huge desk with a Mac Computer shielding him from Zayn’s sight. 

 

„Of course, Zayn. Come in, have a seat.“, he insists and shuffles around to get a better look at Zayn. 

 

Zayn does as he’s being told and sits down opposite the older man, crosses his fingers and takes a deep breath. 

 

„I just needed to talk to someone about something very important. And since I feel like my family and friends always say the wrong things, I thought …“ 

 

„You could try and talk to me? I feel honored, go ahead.“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip. „I’m sure you’ve already noticed that I have a problem with pressure.“ 

 

Enrique nods but doesn’t interrupt him. 

 

„I don’t know how to say this… but I know that my childhood plays a big part in this. And I don’t know how to work on myself and how to let go…“ 

Zayn trails of and doesn’t continue. He doesn’t know what to say. This seemed like a great idea last night, after Liam had left. He had felt weirdly inspired and motivated to work on himself and change something but now that he’s sitting here, talking about his problems he realizes this idea might have been shit. 

„So you know that your childhood is one of the reasons you feel like you’re never good enough? Then I suggest you start there. Talk to your parents, talk to your family. Get it all of your chest.“, his trainer interrupts his thoughts. 

„I don’t think it will be that easy.“ 

 

„It won’t. You have a problem and it’s not gonna go away by talking. You need to distance yourself from everything that puts pressure on you.“ 

 

„But that would mean I have to distance myself from soccer.“ 

 

„Maybe.“ 

 

„No. That’s not an option.“, Zayn states and vehemently shakes his head. 

 

„Or find a balance. Keep soccer but find something that gives you relief when it comes to stress and pressure.“ 

Zayn’s quiet for a moment and lets this run through his head. 

 

„You’re smart and you’re interesting and I’m sure you’ll find a way. But stop pushing everyone away who’s trying to help you. I know you said everyone around you keeps giving you bad advice but have you ever thought about you simply not wanting to hear their advice because they’re right?“ 

 

Zayn opens his mouth and tries to protest but he doesn’t find an argument, doesn’t find anything he could possibly say so he shuts it again and stares outside the window. 

 

„You asked me for advice, this is what I’m saying. It’s up to you wether you find it useful or not. Wether you’re going to make something out of it or not.“ 

 

„No… Sorry… It’s just that I usually shut down when it comes to this. I’m trying very hard not to do that right now … sorry if it comes across as if I’m sulky. I’m not.“ 

 

„I don’t really care if you are. You’re old enough to decide what’s right and wrong and I’m not involved in your life apart from being your trainer so it’s none of my business. I do hope I could help you, though. And if you ever have something to talk about then you can talk to me.“ 

Zayn nods and gets up. „Thank you. I have to think about a lot. But I think you did help me. Bye, see you later at training.“ 

 

„Bye Zayn.“ 

 

Zayn turns around and walks outside the room, closes the door behind himself and wants to walk down the corridor right when he walks into a wall of muscles. 

 

„Woah, careful.“, a deep voice says and two hands find Zayn’s shoulders and grab them tight. 

 

Zayn looks up only to find himself looking up into deep chocolate brown eyes and for some reason his stomach starts making turns and he feels lightheaded. 

„Are you okay?“, Liam asks concerned brows furrowed together and Zayn snaps for air. 

 

„Yeah. Sorry. Just a little surprised.“, he breathes out but doesn’t move away. Neither does Liam. 

They just stand in the hallway looking at each other and Zayn feels the foreign urge to wrap his arms around Liam’s muscular torso and press his body against the other male’s. 

 

He doesn’t, simply takes a step back and clears his throat. 

 

„Sorry.“, he repeats and stares at the ground. He takes another step back and is ready to turn around and leave when Liam suddenly grabs his arm and holds him in place.

Liam takes a step closer, grabs Zayn’s chin with his other hand and guides his face to look at him. „Stop pushing me away.“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip and he tries, tries so hard not to do anything but Liam’s close, smells like heaven and it’s like Zayn’s brain isn’t working anymore. His whole body craves the man in front of him and he wants to step even closer, maybe do something very stupid and press his lips against his but Liam’s voice breaks the trance of Zayn and makes him come back to reality. 

„Are you coming with us tonight? The team wants go clubbing, it might be fun.“

 

Zayn clears his throat. „Umm… I don’t know.“ 

„Please come. I’d be happy if you did.“, he smiles and lets go of Zayn’s chin and arm and he feels like he can breathe again. 

„I might come.“ 

 

„You’re definitely coming. I promise to keep you entertained.“ 

 

Zayn grins and nods. He can’t really say no to that, can he. „Okay, sounds like a deal.“ 

 

„Alright.“, Liam answers and smiles at him. He holds out his hand for Zayn to shake and Zayn takes it, almost as if this was a real deal between them. 

 

——————

 

„I can’t believe Liam convinced you to come with us. You usually say no every single time but that one time Liam asks you to come along you give in like an old lady to a small child and say yes without hesitation.“, Louis complains as they drive to the club in a cab. 

Zayn grins and shakes his head. „I did not give in like an old lady to a small child. He had a hard time convincing me.“ 

Not true. But Louis doesn’t have to know that. 

His friend only huffs. „Whatever. I still feel betrayed. You don’t even like him.“ 

Zayn bites his lip and stares out of the window as they pass house after house. He can’t describe what it is with Liam but he definitely doesn’t hate him anymore. Zayn realizes that most of his hate came from his own pressure, him being too judgmental and definitely being a little jealous. And it’s not fair to Liam who has been nothing but nice to him to treat him like a criminal. It’s not his fault his was born rich and the way he lives his life is his own choice. 

 

„Wait, you don’t like him, that’s still correct, right?“, Louis asks and shuffles a little to have a better look at Zayn. 

 

Zayn shrugs his shoulders and leans his head on the window. „I don’t know. He’s not as bad as I thought.“ 

 

It’s silent for a very long time before Louis speaks up again. „I don’t know wether it’s because of him but you’ve changed. I like it.“ 

 

Zayn smiles and he agrees. He’s much more willing to talk about his problems because he understands that he has too. 

 

The car pulls up in front of the private club one of the guys has booked for tonight and Louis pays the cab since they always take turns in paying and they get out of the car. Together they walk to the front door where four security men shield the door and protect the entrance and both of the soccer players grab for their IDs to get in. 

 

„Nah, man, it’s good. Tomlinson, Malik, right? Good people, good people. Get inside.“, one of the guys says with a thick spanish accent and they get waved into the club. 

Grinning, they walk through the door into the club and loud music immediately pumps through Zayn’s ears making his heartbeat beat strongly in his chest. 

 

He can feel Louis’ hand on his back guiding him through the crowd of people to the bar, Zayn shuffles past a few grinding bodies and then they finally find their group. 

 

„Zayn, Louis!“, Neymar shouts and hugs them both. „Good to see you, man. You wanna drink something?“ 

 

„No, thanks.“ 

„Fuck, yeah!“ 

Zayn chuckles as Louis and Neymar turn around to order some drinks and he begins to greet a few of his team mates. 

„Zayn.“ 

 

He turns around and his breath gets stuck in his throat as he sees Liam in front of him, wearing a flannel shirt, grey jeans and converse. He looks so easy, so simple, no rolex, no fancy clothes and it turns Zayn on so much, it surprises himself massively. 

 

He can’t respond too busy taking the attractive man in front of him in. 

„I’m glad you came.“, Liam says and takes a step closer. He smells so good, Zayn has to stop himself from closing his eyes and leaning in. 

„I thought we had a deal?“, he manages to get out and runs a hand through his hair. 

Liam smiles shyly and it’s so unusual for Liam to do that it makes Zayn’s stomach turn. „Yeah, we definitely have. Do you want to drink something? Water, maybe?“ 

 

Zayn smiles and nods. „Yeah that’d be great.“ 

So Liam turns around and orders him some water and himself gin tonic, pays for it and turns around again and gives him the bottle of water. 

 

„Thanks.“ 

Liam points to something behind Zayn. „Let’s go outside.“ 

 

Liam walks past Zayn and walks first, shuffling through the crowd and making his way outside. Zayn tries his hardest to follow Liam but it’s difficult to catch up since there are people pushing him around, cutting him off from Liam. 

The other man seems to notice and turns around just as a girl stumbles backwards against Zayn and he tries to push her away which is a little difficult considering she’s all over him within seconds. Liam grabs her shoulders, guides her in a different direction and grabs Zayn’s hand with a firm grip.

He continues to walk through the crowd, Zayn now close behind him and Zayn is so aware of Liam’s touch it’s all he can focus on. The part where their skin touches feels electrified and Zayn can’t breathe. 

Thankfully, they reach the terrace and Liam guides them to a corner far away from the people and the music. 

They sit down on the soft couch facing the ocean and the lights shine softly, engulfing Liam in a dim glance. 

 

He really is beautiful. His soft brown eyes sparkling in the night, the corners of his mouth pulled up into a hint of a smile and his dark hair not styled falling into his face a little. 

 

The man beside him turns his head and looks right at Zayn. „What are you thinking about?“ 

 

Zayn simply shrugs his shoulders. „About a lot.“ 

 

Liam nudges him a little. „Tell me about it.“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip and faces the beach again. „I remember the first day of primary school. It’s a little scary how visible it’s still in my head. 

 

I wanted nothing more but to find a few friends and do well in school so I could support my parents one day. 

My dad didn’t make it to my enrollment because he had to work. My mum only drove me to school and then left again because she only had a thirty minute break. 

 

So there I was, six years old an old candy cone halfheartedly made by my little sister in kindergarten, alone in a huge hall with people and families I didn’t know. 

I was so scared. And I didn’t know what to do. And I felt like there was so much pressure on me do make everything right and not fuck up. 

Then Niall approached me. Little blonde irish dude with a heart size bigger than america and a personality it lights everyone up. 

 

He talked to me and asked me who I was and explained to me that from now on we would be friends. And we have been ever since that day. 

I know that he knows that I love him. We’ve been through everything together and he never let me down. But I feel like I should tell him more often. I don’t know. It’s like I don’t even deserve a friend that amazing.“ 

 

Liam shakes his head. „Don’t say that. Niall has stuck with you for so long, he’s not dumb. He’s doing that for a reason, because you’re just as amazing.“ 

 

Zayn grins. 

 

„So no one from your family was there on your first day of school?“, Liam asks, disbelief clearly visible in his voice. 

 

„My parents, no. But when I stood there on the stage with all the other kids, waiting for my name to be called, I spotted my sisters in the crowd. I don’t know how they managed but they sneaked out of kindergarten and school just to be there with me. They’re really important to me. We always felt like our parents didn’t give us safety. We, however did.“  

„Wow, I’m speechless.“

 

Zayn looks at him. „And you? How was your first day of school?“ 

 

Liam huffs out an unhumorous laugh.

„Ahh. I don’t like to remember. My parents invited our whole family. Over fifteen people were there. Cousins, grandparents, Aunts and so on. It made me so fucking uncomfortable because I barely knew half of them. 

And my parents kept telling them ‚Oh Liam, he’s gonna do so good, he’s gonna be best of class, he’s gonna get good grades‘ bla bla bla 

 

And I was just terrified. I didn’t want to let my parents down but they had such high expectations. I knew I’d never be good enough to reach up to them. 

And of course, everything I did was always wrong. When the day was over they told me I held the candy cone wrong, I didn’t stand up quickly enough, I didn’t represented our family with pride. 

 

I didn’t even know what that meant.“ 

 

Zayn kinda just sits next to him and is in shock. Hearing Liam talk about his childhood sounds so sad and anxious, something Zayn never would have thought. 

 

He always pictured Liam to grow up in a picture perfect family with lots of money, being able to attend the best schools and go to Formentera for holidays. 

 

It’s what Zayn always wanted. 

 

But hearing how sad Liam sounds while recalling his childhood makes Zayn almost angry. A childhood should never make you sad or angry. What did Zayn and Liam do to deserve this? 

 

„I didn’t think your childhood was that stressful.“, Zayn admits quietly, almost ashamed. 

 

„Well, compared to yours it probably was a dream. But I hated it, actually. When I started playing soccer, my parents were really proud because I was so young and so talented. Something they could boast with. 

But when they realized it became my passion and that I focused more on it than school they became so angry. 

Tried to forbid me to train, said they wouldn’t pay for it anymore. Said they would pay my teachers to keep me in class for the whole afternoon. 

Nothing could stop me though. Soccer was my escape. I played every free second that I had. It made me happy, made me strong, gave me a reason to wake up every day. My parents were furious when I told them I wanted to play professionally. 

They kicked me out and didn’t pay me anything. Their plan was that I would go to university and study Medicine or Law. Something representable. What I wanted was never their concern.“ 

 

Zayn is speechless. He stares at Liam as if he just grew another head. He feels so horrible, it almost makes him feel sick. How could he be so fooled? How could he call Liam an arrogant asshole? 

 

„How .. What did you do after your parents had kicked you out?“ 

 

Liam smiles. „My grandpa has a lot of money. That’s why my family is rich actually. I lived with my teammate for a couple of weeks until my grandpa heard of the huge fight. He called me immediately and said I should move in with him. 

My grandma was against it, she was on my parent’s side. But my grandpa kinda has control over her. Not in a bad way. When he says she shouldn’t say anything because it’s for the better, she listens to him, you know? They love each other. 

So my grandpa let me live in his house for two years, making me finish school and train afterwards like a maniac. He saw my potential and supported me with all of his power. 

He found out matches I could play where talent scouts would be present. I got discovered at one of those matches and now I’m here.“ 

„When was the last time you talked to your parents?“, Zayn asks but he’s scared of the answer. 

 

„A couple of months ago. Almost a year. I called them for dad’s birthday. It was a very short conversation, not very nice. I decided it wasn’t worth it and didn’t call again.“ 

 

Zayn opens his mouth to say something but then closes it again. „Fuck, I don’t know what to say. This is horrible.“ 

Liam shrugs his shoulders. „If you want something more than anything you have to be willing to make sacrifices. I wanted to be happy, and soccer gave me the biggest happiness in my life but in order to play I lost my family. But I’m happy.“ 

 

„I feel really dumb right now. I always thought you had the perfect life, the perfect family, perfect looks. Everything, you know? I feel like you just gave me eyesight since I was blind before.“ 

 

Liam barks out a laugh and this time it seems genuine. „You’re a dork. You’re just very caught up in your own misery. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes your perspective a little one sided. You’re getting a lot better, though.“ 

Zayn nods. A few months ago he would’ve thrown water into Liam’s face at that comment, now he agrees with him. 

Liam looks at him and smiles. „See? You’re not insulted.“ 

 

„No, I’m not.“, Zayn agrees. 

„I think you experienced so much misery in your early childhood years, it stayed with you a lot longer. It carved into your being. I was a lot older when this whole shit with my family really started. It’s not as bad.“ 

 

„It’s just as bad, Liam. Don’t say it’s not that bad. I still have goosebumps thinking about it.“ 

 

Liam smiles softly. „Don’t worry. I have my grandpa. I have the team. I have friends. I have you.“ 

 

Zayn nods. „You have me.“ 

 

He has him. 

 

————————

„The fuck is going on between you and Liam?“, Louis shouts from his kitchen, making Zayn jump. 

 

Harry barks out a loud laugh, throwing some popcorn into his mouth. „Oh lord, now it’s going down.“ 

Zayn narrows his eyes at the curly haired man and shuffles further into the couch, staring at the black TV. „Let’s just start the movie already.“

 

Louis comes back into the living room with two bowls of popcorn and a plate full of crackers, vegetables and hummus and places them in front of Zayn, plopping down next to him. 

 

„No. We’re going to talk about this.“ 

 

Zayn groans and hides his face. „Louis!“ 

 

„No.“, he repeats. „I see the way he looks at you. And I kinda see a way you look at him, though I’m not sure. Is there something?“ 

Zayn is quiet for at least a minute, biting his lip nervously. „I… I don’t know.“ 

 

He doesn’t look at Harry’s and Louis’ face because he knows they look at him in utter disbelief. 

„So you’re saying there might be something but can’t really define it?“, Harry asks, voice all rough and deep and Zayn nods. 

„Do feel something when he’s with you?“ 

 

„Yeah, I guess.“ 

 

„Do you like it?“ 

 

„At first I didn’t, now I slowly do.“ 

 

„Do you want something more to happen?“ 

 

„I’m not sure if I can, I’m so distant it will push Liam away.“ 

Harry vehemently shakes his head. „I don’t think so. Liam knows you a lot better than you think and he knows how to handle your insecurities. He won’t go anywhere as long as you don’t give him a really bad reason.“ 

Zayn’s head shoots up and he looks at Harry with narrowed eyes. „How do you know that?“ 

 

Harry grins mischievously and eats some popcorn. „We might be friends.“ 

Zayn’s eyes become huge and his mouth hangs open. „What?!“ 

 

Harry just shrugs his shoulders. 

„And you never told me? All the times I talked bad about him and you didn’t say anything?“ 

„Well, you’re my boyfriend’s friend. He’s my friend. I feel loyal to both of you so I just kept my mouth shut. Why would I tell you this just to make things awkward?“ 

Zayn can’t believe it. „I’m shocked. For how long have you been friends?“ 

 

„He played in the same football club my sister used to play with. At the weekends we always saw each other because of the matches and because everyone else was kinda weird I just stuck with Liam. So since we were fifteen I guess. We’re not extremely close though, just very friendly, you know?“

Zayn shakes his head. „I feel … I don’t know how I feel. Definitely not good.“ 

 

Louis laughs and pets Zayn’s head while Harry just looks at him crestfallen. 

 

„Wait!“, Zayn shrieks and spins around to face Harry. „Did he talk about me? Does he talk about me?“ 

Harry simply grins and shrugs his shoulders, not giving any answer. 

 

„Harry!! Tell me!“, Zayn urges and throws a pillow at the curly haired boy. 

 

„Maybe he has, maybe he hasn’t.“ 

Zayn huffs out a breath and sits down far away from Louis and Harry, at the other end of the couch, takes a pillow and cuddles into it. 

 

„Zayn, come on.“, Louis says and tries to touch him but he flinches away. 

 

It’s all a bit too much for him right now and he just needs to be left alone. He’s not good at this feelings thing, never really has and he’s only learning now how to open up. He’s just tired. 

 

That’s why he falls asleep within the next ten minutes, ignoring the boys calling his name softly.  
————————

„Zayn! It’s so so good to see you.“, his mum shouts and hugs him tightly, as he opens the door to his parent’s apartment he has bought them one year ago. 

 

It smells good, a lovely scent of vanilla and it’s so forgein to Zayn, it doesn’t feel like home at all. 

„It’s good to see you, too, mum.“, he answers and awkwardly puts an arm around her while holding his bag in the other. 

 

The whole team has a week off of training and Zayn thought he’d use that opportunity to fly home. And maybe talk to his parents. And maybe fight his inner demons. 

 

„I prepared some food, it’s already on the dining table. The girls are still at school, they’ll come around six.“, she explains and takes his coat and his bag and places it all neatly away. 

Then she turns around and goes into the living room, where his Dad sits on the table. 

 

„Welcome home, son“, he exclaims, stands up and hugs him. 

It feels like a lie to Zayn, but he doesn’t comment on it. 

He doesn’t say anything, simply hugs him back and then sits down on the table. 

 

The food is already served and they eat, chatting about soccer, about the girls, about school, about work. It’s nice, it really is. Zayn feels comfortable and he likes this. But he knows he has to talk about the real stuff very soon. Before the girls come home. 

 

So he sets down his fork and his knife, clears his throat and takes a deep breath. „I need to talk to about something.“ 

 

His parents suddenly become quiet and look at him expectantly. 

„I have this problem… where I put a lot of pressure on myself and can’t really relax. It’s always there, the anxiety that I’m not good enough and that I’ll let someone down. It’s starting to really get to me and I want to do something against it. And I think I can only do that by talking to you.“ 

His parents exchange a look but don’t say anything. 

 

„I feel like all of this comes from my childhood. I’m not blaming you or making you any accusations. But let’s be honest, our childhoods weren’t the best. I still feel the things I felt when I came home with you fighting, with Doniya trying to make food of the things that were still in the empty fridge, Waliya and Safaa crying because they were hungry and tired. 

There was so much pressure and negativity in our childhoods, I feel like it’s haunting me and I can’t escape.“ 

 

He looks into the eyes of his mother and can see how hard she’s trying to not break. 

„I just want to let go of the past and focus on the future. I met someone and I think I’m going to mess it up like I always do because I can’t open up. I don’t want that to happen and I need your help.“ 

„I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. Your father and I made terrible mistakes. We should’ve done so many things differently. We tried our best to somehow make it work, making extra shifts and always working. We ruined your childhood for you while trying to make it better. It’s something that we can’t give you back. I wish you knew how much we love you and that we’d do anything for you.“ 

 

„I know that, mum. I’m not blaming you. It’s not my intention to say ‚Oh, my bad parents, it’s their fault I’m this messed up!‘ That’s not the case. I just need to get this off my chest. I have anxiety problems, it’s especially hard with training, but giving up soccer is not an option. Never was and never will be. I need to find a way to cope with all of this and finally let go.“ 

 

„I will think of something. I promise we will find a way. And the past is the past, it’s something you can’t change. You’re smart, I don’t have to tell you that you don’t need to feel scared of letting people down because you’ve already gave us more than we could’ve hoped for. You’re more than enough for us.“ 

 

Zayn nods and runs a hand through his messy hair. „Yeah, I know. It’s just that feelings can’t be controlled. They’re irrational.“ 

 

She nods and takes a sip of her water. „Yes, that’s true. But they’re only feelings. They’re part of you, they aren’t you as a person. And you can control for example your leg or your hand. You can control coughing by taking medicine. And you can also learn to control your emotions. The question is how. Everyone is different and you need to find a way to learn to not let your emotions and anxieties get in your way.“ 

Zayn smiles a little at that. He didn’t know his mum could be this thoughtful and intelligent. He never really talked to her about important stuff, only about daily things, for example how training was and so on. He feels positively surprised by the outcome of this. 

His dad has been quiet for the entire talk. Zayn tries not to think anything into that and helps his mother clean the table. 

 

In the kitchen, his mum places down the dirty dishes and hugs Zayn tightly. „You and your sisters are the best thing that happened to us. And even though we didn’t provide you with the things you needed and deserved, we did anything and tried. It’s not an excuse. It’s just the way it is. Please don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to me, because you can. I want you to. Let me help you.“ 

 

He nods and closes his eyes, burying his face into his mother’s hair. 

 

It’s nowhere where he wants to be, but his heart already feels ten pounds lighter. 

 

————————  
„Hello little brother!“, Doniya says as she hugs him and gives him a kiss on the cheek. 

„Hey Don.“, he hugs her back and sits down with her in the little tiny coffee shop they used to hang out in and read books and make their homework because they couldn’t stand being at home. 

„Old feelings coming up here, don’t they?“, she asks as she places her bag next to her chair and puts a hair strand out of her face. 

 

Zayn nods. „Yeah. It feels weird.“ 

„So how are you?“, she asks, coming clear directly. 

 

Zayn grins. She just knows him too well. „I talked to mum and dad yesterday. About our childhood.“ 

 

Her eyes spread wide open as she stares at him with her mouth hanging open. „You did what?“ 

He shrugs his shoulders. „I felt like I had to.“ 

„Wow, Zayn. Where did that come from?“ 

„I had panic attacks my entire life and they’re not getting any better. Still there, every single day. It’s fucking annoying and I need to do something against it.“ 

She nods understandingly. „And you want to do something now and not earlier because..?“ 

 

Zayn grins sheepishly. „Because I might have met someone worth fighting my demons for.“ 

 

Doniya nods and grins. „And that someone is not by any chance Liam Payne?“ 

Zayn looks at her surprised. „How..?“ 

 

„I use tumblr. Everyone’s been talking about how close you’ve gotten. You have a lot of people shipping you.“ 

 

„Shipping?“ 

 

„Supporting you as a couple.“ 

 

„Ah, okay…“ 

 

„I’m glad to see you have met someone worth changing for. Only for the better of course.“ 

 

„You had that with Max then?“ 

 

„She nods. I had the same problems. I had panic attacks and wasn’t able to open up to anyone. Then I met him and I suddenly wanted to face my problems and change. Become happier and more stable. I didn’t talk to mum and dad though. Wasn’t brave enough.“ 

 

Zayn nods. „I don’t know. I felt like they play the most important part in this whole problem and I can’t get rid of it without talking to them. It’s not fair either to not let them take part of it.“ 

 

Doniya shrugs her shoulders. „I don’t know. I don’t blame them or anything but it’s not like I can look at them without any negative feelings.“ 

 

„That’s the problem, though. We need to get rid of any negative feelings within our family. Including mum and dad. It’s never gonna get better otherwise.“ 

She’s silent for a while and takes a sip of the coffee Zayn had already ordered for her. 

„So what are you planning to do now?“, she asks 

„I need to find a way to cope with the anxiety. Make peace with my past. Focus on my future. Open up.“ 

She nods. „Yoga helped me a lot. You could try that.“ 

Zayn looks at her in utter disbelief until he notices she’s only joking and then they burst out laughing uncontrollably, like complete maniacs.

They can’t stop laughing, making a few people turn around and Zayn can’t remember the last time he laughed this hard. 

 

It’s so nice, he almost wants to cry. This is what he wants. Surround himself with the people he loves and laugh, eat, enjoy life and simply be happy. 

And for the first time he truly, with all of his heart, believes that he’s going to get there. 

 

————————

 

„Hey Niall.“, he says as he pulls his phone closer to his ear. 

 

„Hey bro, man. What’s up? How are you?“ 

 

„I don’t know.“, he answers truthfully. He can almost feel the surprise Niall feels as Zayn answers him without lying about his feelings. 

 

„Okay.“, he simply says probably expecting Zayn to just drop it and talk about something else. But Zayn isn’t going to. 

„I talked to mum and dad about my childhood. And I talked to Doniya about it as well. I want to leave it all behind and focus on being happy.“  
„Wow. Okay. That’s great, Zayn. I’m glad to hear that. Did it help anything?“ 

„Talking to them definitely lifted a weight off my shoulders but I don’t it’s gonna help with the anxiety. I need to let go of the past and the pressure. I don’t know how.“ 

„I don’t think that talking will help you with that either.“ 

„No.“ 

„I know you’re going to find something. Talking to your parents was a huge step. You’re gonna get there.“ 

„I think so too.“

 

„Thank you for telling me this.“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip as pain shoots into his heart. Niall has always been there for him, has been his best friend since he was six years old and now he’s thanking Zayn for telling him a tiny private aspect of his life. He feels horrible. 

 

„Thank you for always being there for me. It means everything. I know I don’t say it enough and definitely don’t show it enough. I know you’re gonna be there with me in five ten twenty years time and we’ll do so many crazy things and you’ll still be my best friend. Thank for for that.“ 

 

Niall is silent. He’s silent for one minute, two minutes, three minutes. They simply listen to each other breathing and it’s strangely comforting. 

 

„I know you don’t want to hear it.“, Niall finally says into the calm silence. „But I’m so goddamn proud of you. I really am.“ 

 

Zayn fights down the urge to hang up and not have to talk about this but he doesn’t. „I know. Thank you.“ 

 

„I wish I could hug you right now.“ 

 

„Not long, then you can.“ 

 

„Yeah. Alright I have to hang up now. Thanks for calling me, text me and show me you’re not dead, yeah?“

 

Zayn laughs loudly. „Yeah, I will. You too. Bye Niall.“ 

 

„Bye.“ 

 

With that he hangs up the phone and Zayn lies down on his bed, closing his eyes. With that he feels like another huge weight has been lifted off his chest. He already feels much lighter before his break from soccer. 

 

Mindlessly he opens up twitter scrolling through his notifications but nothing exciting happened over the past few hours so he decides to answer a few tweets and retweet some stuff. 

Suddenly his phone beeps, showing him a message. 

 

Liam: Break isn’t doing me well. Hope you’re good. 

 

Zayn smiles and immediately replies. 

 

Zayn: I eat too much and sleep too less. Apart from that I’m good. You? 

 

Liam: Same for me. I feel a little lonely though. 

 

Zayn’s heart aches as he’s reading the message, wishing he could be there with him right now and talk to him, maybe go for a walk and just spend time together. It surprises him, the wish, but in the last couple of months many unusual things have happened and he’s not really questioning anything anymore. 

 

Zayn: Only a few more days. Stay strong! 

 

Liam: I know I know.. I should probably call my grandpa 

 

Zayn: You should :) 

 

Liam: Talk to you soon 

 

Zayn: Okay 

 

With that he locks his screen and grabs his phone tight, heart bumping in his chest making him feel a little dizzy. He can’t explain why Liam’s making him feel this way. He never really felt like this with anyone.

Just as he wants to get up and change into sweatpants, a knock on his door interrupts him and makes him sit still. 

 

„Yes?“ 

His father opens door, entering it and standing there a little lost.  
„Hey, what’s up?“, Zayn asks and sits up. 

 

„I thought a lot about our conversation a few days ago… How you said you had anxiety and panic attacks and that you wanted to find something against it.“ 

 

Zayn’s interest peaks up vehemently at that and he looks at his dad expectantly. 

 

„Well… Mum is probably against it for many reasons… But I thought it might be a good idea. Come with me, I want to show you something.“ 

 

Zayn nods and gets up, follows his dad out of his room and together they walk down the corridor to his parent’s bedroom. 

„I’m pretty sure you don’t remember.“ 

 

Zayn furrows his eyebrows not knowing what his dad’s talking about but he enters the room with him, standing close to the cupboard and waiting for his dad to do something. 

Which he does. He sits down on the floor, crawls under the bed and gets out a huge box and two big black folders with Zayn’s name on it. 

„Come sit down with me.“, his dad orders and Zayn follows, plops down onto the floor next to him. 

 

„When you were very little, three or four years old, you hadn’t started playing soccer yet. It started in school. Before that you were extremely passionate about something else.“ 

Zayn simply stares at his father, still not knowing what he’s referring to. 

 

„You were in love with art. You drew and painted every single day. I think it helped you cope with the stress at home, you seemed very happy and very relaxed, always having paint on your clothes and your fingers. Here, have a look at these folders, I kept all your art work.“ 

 

His father gives him the two folders, urging him to open them and Zayn does. Hundreds of little drawings and paintings are neatly put in them, most of them were superheroes, comics, faces, animals, flowers, random things really. But they were beautiful. 

He can’t even remember himself drawing these. But there was his name on every single one of them, as if four year old Zayn was a true artist, signing every work he made. 

 

„Your kindergarten teachers recognized your talent and let you draw most of the time, not really caring about you revoking yourself from the other kids. 

Your mum was scared you would develop some form of autism, since you weren’t interested in social interaction at all. She didn’t really support your art, since she thought it didn’t do you good. I wasn’t sure, I didn’t know if it was normal for a four year old to never talk to other kids and not have any friends, but I definitely didn’t blame your art for it. 

 

Mum was so happy when you decided to join the soccer team, you were interacting with boys your age, started getting a lot more social. It was like a reassurance: No, there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s perfectly fine. 

But with football your anxiety and panic attacks started and your mum and I were so caught up with work, we didn’t even see how bad it was and that soccer didn’t do you well. You were so focused and so ambitious, we didn’t want to take that away from you even though we probably should’ve.“

 

His dad clears his throat and Zayn tries his hardest to fight away tears. He can’t remember anything about his kindergarten time. It’s as if his brain completely deleted this information for whatever reasons. 

He bites his lip and goes through a few more paintings, admiring every single one of them. 

 

„I don’t know why art never came up back. I don’t know why you didn’t return to art or why we never asked you about it. I guess your mum was to stressed and also to scared it wouldn’t be good for you and I never thought about it again. But when you said you needed something to calm you down, this was the first thing that came to my mind. Maybe try and draw again, it might help.“ 

 

Zayn simply stares at his dad, how he sits there in front of him and he feels so vulnerable it’s almost numbing him. 

He can’t describe all the things he’s feeling in his body as he sits there on the floor with his father going through a part of his childhood that he completely forgot about. 

 

How can something like this just completely vanish from his memory? 

 

He’s suddenly so tired. All his life he’s been struggling, fighting, pressuring himself. For once he just wants to feel in balance, wants to feel happy and calm. 

„Thanks Dad.“, he whispers grabbing the folders tightly. „Don’t blame yourself. You tried your hardest. Still do.“ 

He nods and runs a hand over his face. Suddenly, his dad looks very old and very worn out and Zayn feels the weird urge to just hug him very tightly. 

So he does. 

 

He gets on his knees and awkwardly pulls him close, holding him with both of his arms and with that he tries to tell him all the things he’s too scared to say out loud. 

Zayn hopes he’ll understand. 

 

They pull apart and his dad clears his throat and holds up the little black box. „There are pencils and some colors in there. They’re quite old but should be fine. I don’t know. Maybe get some paper and draw a little.“ 

 

Zayn nods and smiles. „Thanks Dad. I will.“ 

 

With that he gets up and exits the room. 

 

———————

Training has started again and as much as he enjoys being back in Barcelona with Louis, Liam and his team, with that the stress has also started again. 

 

It’s been a week without anxiety and panic attacks and he must admit he’s pretty damn proud of himself. 

 

That is until a particularly hard day of training. He’s full of sweat and dirt, three hours of running around and hard work clearly visible in his bones and even though he should be tired and exhausted, his body feels wild. 

 

His lungs feel heavy, almost as if 10 kg of sand are pulling them down, giving him an uneasy feeling and making his hands tremble slightly. 

 

The whole way back to his apartment he feels on the edge, ready to jump if someone comes at him. He feels as if someone’s following him, feels like he should run but he knows that would make it even worse. 

 

So he tries his best to get home safely, puts his gym bag on the floor and without even showering he grabs the box his dad has given to him from his suitcase and sits down on the floor with a couple of letters from his phone providers and his bank. 

He takes the backside and without thinking he begins to sketch. 

No music is playing, his phone is on mute, he can’t hear anything besides his own breathing and the soft scratches the pen makes every time Zayn draws another stroke. 

 

He doesn’t even pay attention to the outer world, doesn’t know for how long he’s been drawing until it’s completely dark and he’s starting to feel hungry. 

 

Zayn looks up, feeling surprisingly calm and steady and grabs his phone to look at the clock. 

 

1:52pm. 

 

He has been drawing for over four hours, not noticing how quickly it all went. 

 

He stares at the letters, completely full with tiny sketches, on the floor in front of him and he can’t really see a pattern or a motive. It’s just faces and flowers and animals and cars and random shit really. 

 

But he feels nice. Feels good. Feels calm. 

 

He sits up and takes a deep breath and for once the silence of his apartment doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable or empty. It’s just there. 

 

Sitting there for a couple of minutes more he doesn’t think about anything,simply lets his thoughts pass by and leave them behind. 

 

Then he gets up and takes a shower. 

——

It’s 5:50 am when he decides he doesn’t want to stay in bed any longer and stare at the wall without being able to sleep, so he leaves his bed, throws on some sweatpants and a shirt and his shoes and exists his flat. 

 

He takes a cab which takes him directly to Barceloneta, the famous beach in Barcelona, and it’s the time where all the people who went clubbing are now at home and all the people who want to go to the beach are still in bed. 

 

It’s close to empty and it’s perfect with the sun slowly setting. 

 

He doesn’t really know what he wants to do so he just takes off his shoes and walks down the beach, getting closer to the water. 

 

„Hey man!“

 

Zayn turns around to see where the voices came from. 

 

„Here!“, it says again and he makes out a group of three guys, looking like the perfect definition of surfer backpacker boy who travels around the world without a care in the world. 

 

Each of them wear swim shorts and a loose shirt, one has a beard and short hair, the other a messy bun and the one in the middle soft curls falling into his face. 

 

„Come sit down with us!“, the beard guy says and Zayn doesn’t know why but he steps closer to them and sits down. 

 

„What’s your name?“, the one with the soft curls asks and gives him a soft smile. 

Zayn contemplates wether they’re pretending not to know him or if they really don’t know and he decides to hope for the last option. 

„Umm“, he begins. „I’m Niall.“ 

 

„Hey Niall, nice to meet you!“, the one with the bun says and gives him his hand to shake. „I’m Olly!“ 

„I’m Chris!“, the bearded guy says. 

 

„I’m Joe!“, the one with the soft curls says and grabs his backpack and shuffles around a bit. 

 

Then he pulls out a bottle of beer and opens it. „You want some?“ 

 

Zayn shakes his head. „Nah, thanks!“ 

„So where are you from, Niall?“, Olly asks and flashes him a friendly smile. 

„UK. Bradford. And you guys?“ 

 

„From Australia, Sydney. We’ve been all over the world for a year now and Spain’s our last stop. Then we’re heading back to Aussie.“, Chris answers and takes the bottle from Joe. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows impressed. „All over the world then?“ 

 

Olly grins proudly. „Yup. Bali, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Namibia, South Africa, Itlay, Sweden and now Spain.“ 

 

Zayn whistles. „Wow. Not too bad.“ 

 

„What are you doing here in Barcelona then?“, Joe asks. 

 

„Umm… just working really. Nothing exciting.“, he lies and runs a hand through his hair. 

 

„Why are you at the beach then at this time of hour my dear friend?“, Chris asks. 

 

Zayn shrugs. „Why not?“ 

 

Olly laughs loudly and it makes Zayn smile. Olly’s nice. „Why not? Hell yeah, why not?“ 

 

„Do you guys wanna smoke?“, Joe asks and Zayn bites his lip. He should probably just get up and leave since they now want to start their group thing or whatever they’re planning to do. 

Zayn’s definitely not part of that. 

 

He clears his throat. 

 

„Do you want to stay? It’d be nice.“, Olly asks and 

„I’m not smoking, sorry. I’ll just leave you guys to it.“, Zayn says and gets up. 

„Let them smoke then. I’ll go with you.“, Olly suggests and with that he gets up as well and starts walking closer to the water away from his friends. 

Zayn simply stares at him unsure of what to do but he decides to just go for it and follow him. 

 

Joe and Chris don’t really seem to mind, since they’re not saying anything really so Zayn goes after Olly closer to the water, feet touching the waves softy and it’s cold but it’s nice and they’re quiet for a while. 

 

Describe yourself in three words. Go.“, Olly urges and Zayn barks out a surprised laugh. „I’m serious, go!“ 

 

„I don’t know! I can’t just say that.“ 

„Of course you can! Go tell me.“ 

 

„Mmm. tense... ambitious… I don’t know about the third one.“ 

„Tense, ambitious… not very positive.“, Olly says and in the dim light of the morning sun he looks really beautiful. 

„How would you describe yourself then, Olly?“ 

 

„Wild, passionate, loving.“, he immediately pushes out and Zayn smiles. 

„That’s nice. Seems very fitting.“ 

 

„So tell me about yourself. What are you currently going through? Are you spiritual or religious? Do you listen to your heart or your brain?“ 

 

Zayn laughs again and he doesn’t know why he feels so free but he does. Maybe it’s Olly’s attitude. „Too many questions. I don’t know!“ 

 

„Let’s sit down then. We have a few more hours to talk.“ 

 

So they do.  
————

„Okay okay, that’s another good one! Would you rather be smart or happy?“, Olly asks after Zayn has finally calmed down from his high of laughter. 

 

After Olly had asked him what his weirdest pet peeve was and Zayn’s answer had been ‚eating spaghetti with a spoon‘ and Olly punching him and telling him he was the weirdest person ever Zayn had started laughing uncontrollably for more than ten minutes making Olly rolls his eyes at him four times in a row. 

„Umm… I’d go for happy. I already tried being smart it’s not that fun.“, Zayn admits and wipes away some tears of laughter from his eyes.

Olly looks at him thoughtfully. „Are you not happy?“ 

Zayn looks at him back and presses his lips together. „I’m not unhappy. But I could be a lot happier.“ 

„Why aren’t you then?“ 

Zayn takes a deep breath. „It’s not that easy.“ 

 

„Yes it is exactly that easy.“ 

 

Zayn shakes his head. 

„Yes, Niall, it is that easy. Happiness is a choice, a decision you make every single day. You wake up and decide not to let the negative shit around you get to you and drag you down. You decide to appreciate what you have and not be sad anymore. It’s all in your head.“ 

 

Zayn’s quiet for a while because he feels like that’s something not to comment on. 

„Okay, so what’s the nicest thing you’ve ever heard about yourself?“, Olly asks almost as if he feels Zayn not wanting to answer. 

 

„I don’t know. Strong. Kind. Talented. Something like that?“ 

„What do you want to hear about yourself?“ 

 

„… Happy, laid back, strong, good to be around with…“ 

 

„Do you want to know how I would describe you? Happy, laid back, strong, good to be around with“ 

 

Zayn rolls his eyes at him and throws some sand on Olly’s feet. „Shut up.“ 

 

„Okay, you’re right. You’re also kind, intelligent, funny, lovely, cool, amazing, weird, mysterious, … I could go on for ages.“ 

Zayn blushes and he knows Olly’s only talking shit but it makes Zayn kind of happy to hear that. 

 

„Stop being so self conscious. You’re an amazing guy, why not take compliments?“

 

Zayn just shrugs and wraps his arms around his legs. „Next question please.“ 

 

„Let me think. Who was your first kiss and how was it?“ 

 

Zayn laughs thinking about this one. „It was a guy named Tom. I was fourteen and extremely awkward and shy and I was so scared of anything. Struggled with anxiety a lot and all. So this guy’s in my soccer team and he’s cute and it’s weird because I never really had a crush before and definitely not had a crush on a guy before but there he is, cute Justin Bieber hair and muscles and I really liked him. 

So after training I got undressed and after I had a shower I wanted to get dressed again but he came in and just randomly grabbed my face and kissed me. Just like that. Then he left. 

The next day I was super excited to see him but I’ve been told he had moved to another city.“ 

 

„Oh my god, this is horrible.“, Olly laughs and claps a hand on his stomach. „How sad.“ 

Zayn laughs with him. „I know!“ 

They continue to laugh for a bit until they finally calm down again. 

„So… excuse the question but are you gay?“, Olly asks and it doesn’t sound rude at all. It simply sounds interested and nice. 

 

„No. I just go with who I feel attracted to. It depends a lot on personality and character. I don’t fall for the sex, I fall for the person.“ 

 

Olly is quiet after that and watches him for a while. „That’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve heard.“ 

Zayn simply smiles at him and then looks up into the sky. It’s almost completely light now. 

 

„Guess - What am I thinking about right now?“

 

„I don’t know.“ 

 

„You said that so many times already.“ 

 

„Chicken.“ 

„Don’t kill the mood.“ 

 

„About the universe.“ 

 

„Closer than chicken.“, Olly whispers and stares at Zayn. 

 

„About life.“ 

„Closer.“ 

„Give me a hint.“, Zayn urges.

 

„I’m thinking about kissing you.“

 

His heart stops beating in his chest and he can’t force himself to look away from the boy next to him. Olly is beautiful. From inside and out. But he’s not Liam.

 

Where did that thought suddenly come from? When did he begin to compare people to Liam? This is taking it to a whole new level. 

Suddenly Olly moves in closer and then without Zayn really being able to pull back or stop Olly’s lips are on his and they’re kissing. 

 

It’s not bad but it’s not like Zayn enjoys it very much. He can’t shut his thoughts off, his mind going crazy and he can’t stop picturing himself kissing Liam. It’s scary. 

 

They kiss for a little longer until Zayn pulls back. „Sorry, there’s someone else on my mind.“ 

 

Olly smiles. „Really? Tell me about them?“ 

 

And that’s something else. Instead of being angry about Zayn rejecting him Olly wants to know about Zayn’s love life? Alright. 

„He’s tall and fit and we share the same passion. At first I didn’t like him because I thought we were too different and he had everything I didn’t have. I got to know him and now I see he’s actually an amazing person.“ 

 

„So what’s stopping you?“ 

 

Zayn shrugs. „Myself? I’m always holding myself back.“ 

 

„You’re not tonight. What is different?“ 

 

Good question. What is different? What did he do that he normally didn’t do? The answer is simple. 

„I drew and sketched tonight for the first time.“ 

„Well, then that’s something you should do everyday from now on.“, Olly suggests and pushes bit of sand away from his legs. 

 

„I should. I definitely should.“ 

 

„So last question for today. Describe yourself in three words. Use words you want to say and words fitting you the most.“ 

 

Zayn takes a deep breath. „Strong. Open. Passionate.“

 

Olly nods. „Well done. It was a pleasure to meet you my friend. I wish you the best of luck with your future and your boy and I know it’s gonna work out. I have to go now, Joe and Chris are already packing up.“ 

Zayn turns around and indeed, sees the two australian guys packing their things. 

„Thank you for tonight. It helped me so much.“ 

 

Olly smiles brightly. „That’s what I’m hear for, babe.“ 

 

„Do you want to exchange numbers? Maybe meet again?“, Zayn asks before he can stop himself and takes Olly’s offering hand to get up. 

 

The surfer boy shakes his head. „I strongly believe in soulmates for one night where you meet someone randomly and have the strongest connection but it’s just temporary and that’s how it should be. Those are the people who help you grow the most.“ 

 

Zayn thinks about that for a while before he decides it makes sense. „I’ll miss you. It’s strange but I’ll miss you.“ 

 

„I’ll miss you too, Niall. Only positive vibes for you!“ 

 

They hug and Olly grabs his strong arms around his waist tightly while Zayn grabs his arms around Olly’s neck. 

 

Then they pull apart and Zayn waves goodbye to the others. „Bye! Get back safe to Australia!“ 

 

He watches the three boys go feeling the happiest he has felt for a while now. 

 

————————

 

„Is there anything you want to tell me?“, Louis asks as Zayn enters the changing rooms. The others are already on the field or still changing and Zayn’s horribly late. 

 

He has slept for three hours in total, falling into bed directly after he came from the beach and now’s he’s genuinely worried wether he’s going to survive training or not. 

 

„No. I’m good.“, Zayn mumbles and quickly changes into his training gear. 

 

„Are you sure?“, he asks again, eyebrows raised up high. 

Right in that moment Liam walks past them and Zayn expects him to come up to him and talk to him, ask him how he’s doing but he’s not. He’s walking right past Zayn, ignoring him completely and even shoving him a tiny bit. Without another word he exists the changing rooms. 

Zayn stares after him very confused. „What was that?“ 

 

Louis turns around, grabs in his bag and pulls out a magazine. Zayn’s stomach drops. 

 

On the front cover is Zayn hugging Olly from last night, sitting next to him at the beach and one picture could be him kissing Olly but the quality is really bad so it might just be Zayn whispering something into his ear. 

 

The headlines are seeing in differently though. „Soccerstar Zayn Malik enough of football? Did he find his love in this young man? Ready to quit FC Barcelona for this young mysterious man?“ 

 

Zayn frustratedly takes the magazine and throws it into the next bin. „Fuck this shit.“ 

 

Louis simply looks at him. 

 

„I simply had a good night yesterday, okay? I was actually enjoying myself. It was the best night I had in Barcelona so far. And I’m not going to feel guilty or bad about it just because some stupid paparazzi don’t know what privacy is.“ 

„I understand. I’m glad you feel this way and I’m happy for you. But go and tell this Liam. He’s been furious. Never seen him this way.“ 

 

Zayn’s heart rate speeds up at Louis’ words and he runs a hand through his hair. „Fuck.“ 

 

„Don’t worry. He’ll come down. It’s just hasn’t been very nice for us this morning.“ 

 

Zayn nods and bites his lip, then takes his water bottle and walks up to Louis. Giving him a tight and surprising hug, he claps a hand on Louis’ back and then pulls away and makes his way out to the pitch. 

 

————

 

Liam’s been more than aggressive for the most of the training and it’s starting to piss Zayn off. 

It’s not like he did something terribly wrong. He had an amazing night and he’s not in a relationship with Liam nor does he owe him anything so he truly doesn’t understand Liam’s outburst. 

So when they have a break Zayn grabs Liam’s arm and forces him to come with him back to the changing rooms. 

 

„What the fuck…?“, Liam hisses and rips his arm free. 

 

„Will you stop acting like a child?“, Zayn grits out and tries to wipe away some sweat. 

 

„Me? Like a child? You’re the one spending the whole night at the beach hooking up with some stranger after yelling at me for partying and living my life!“ 

„I went to the beach to get my mind off of things and I met someone there and talked to them jesus christ. It’s not like I slept with four strangers, got drunk and took drugs. Calm down. I’m old enough to make my own decisions.“ 

„Decisions that you blame me for.“ 

„I’m not blaming you for anything. I simply said to you I don’t agree with your lifestyle because it’s unhealthy. What you’re saying is completely irrational.“ 

„You’re behaving completely irrational.“, Liam shouts and gets closer to Zayn. 

„You’re not making any sense!“, Zayn shouts back, also getting closer. The temperature’s rising in the room and Zayn suddenly feels very hot. 

„Nothing makes sense with you.“, Liam mumbles suddenly right in front of him. He can smell his sweat and his deodorant, can feel the anger and the emotions radiating from his body, can feel his chest rising and falling and it drives him crazy. 

He wants to kiss him so badly, it makes him completely wild. But he’s not going to make the first move. He’s not.

Which is good since Liam’s pressing his lips onto Zayn’s full force, grabbing his back as tightly as he can, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him impossibly close. 

Zayn moans into his mouth, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck and shoulders and moving his body against Liam’s, making him moan in response. 

His whole body feels on fire, Liam shooting electricity and energy through every fibre of his body and it’s so hot, he’s burning up. 

With all that he can, he clings to Liam, wants to feel him and wants to press every inch of his body against his. 

 

They’re moaning and kissing and licking into each other’s mouths, not caring about anything else but each other and Zayn never wants to stop, never wants to let go of Liam. 

It’s almost as if he was in need of Liam, needs him to breathe and stay alive. 

 

If their trainer hadn’t blown the whistle for the training to continue, Zayn would’ve been ready for Liam right here and now but sadly they have jobs to do so they pull apart breathlessly, staring at each other almost shocked. 

 

„Okay. That was“, Liam breathes out, cheeks flushed and hair all tousled up. 

„Yeah.“, Zayn replies just as breathless and tries to catch his breath. Training didn’t harm him in any way compared to this kiss. 

„We should go back.“, Liam suggests and turns around, walking out of the changing room without looking back. 

 

————————

 

„And then he just left?!“, Louis shouts and slams a fist on the table. „What the fuck?“ 

 

Zayn shrugs helplessly and takes a bite of his chicken. 

 

„I can’t believe he just left? Is he retarded? Why on earth would you just leave after passionately kissing someone?“

 

„Maybe because he didn’t know what to say.“, Zayn tries but Louis shakes his head. 

 

„Well, that’s the main reason on why to stay in order to not make it fucking awkward which it will be from now on!“ 

 

Zayn nods. „Yeah, probably.“ 

 

„Definitely. I need to tell Harry to talk to Liam. This can’t go on like this. It’s driving me insane already, I don’t know how you feel about that.“ 

Zayn smiles weakly. „It’s tiring me a little, yeah.“ 

 

Louis shakes his head. „I’m disgusted. How could he just walk away after a kiss like that?“ 

Zayn keeps quiet and continues to eat his meal Louis has cooked for him and he’s just tired after training, all he wants to do is sleep. 

 

So he tells Louis not to worry about it and goes to sleep at his friend’s couch. 

 

——————

 

„Okay, moment of truth now!“, Louis whispers as they enter the Stadium together, walking through the hall towards the changing rooms. 

 

„Louis, will you please stop giving me anxiety?“, Zayn murmurs back and grabs his back tighter. 

Liam hasn’t texted him and they didn’t talk since they’ve kissed yesterday and Zayn isn’t sure what to do or how to react. 

 

Should he ask him about it? Should they talk about them? How is Liam going to react? 

 

They enter the changing room together and say hello to a few players and then Zayn lays his eyes on Liam standing close to the door with his phone in his hand and a water bottle in the other. A towel is thrown over his shoulder and his black shirt makes his muscles visible in the most beautiful way. 

Zayn bites his lip and the moment Liam looks up and meets his eyes he feels like his breath just got knocked out of his lungs. 

However, Liam doesn’t say or do anything. He simply looks away and exists the room. 

Hopelessly, Zayn looks at Louis who looks just as confused as him and a little disappointed he places his bag on the floor and begins to change into workout clothes. 

 

Throughout the training, the situation doesn’t seem to improve. Liam continues to look away every time Zayn manages to make eye contact. Liam also tries to stay as far away from Zayn has possible, always running to the other end of the field and avoiding him at all costs. 

It’s frustrating. And it really gets to Zayn. 

The thing is, he had hoped for more than this. He had thought Liam would be into him, would be interested in something more, would be mature enough to at least talk to him about the kiss, but this? This is awful. Zayn hates getting ignored and right now he feels miserable. 

 

„Is everything alright between you and Payne?“, Suaréz suddenly asks and Zayn huffs out an unhumorous laugh. 

„Why are you asking? Can’t you see we’re closer than ever?“, he grits out sarcastically and immediately regrets it. „Sorry. I’m just tense.“ 

The player smiles at him sympathetically and nods. „It’s really cold between you guys. I understand why you’re tense. Did anything happen between you?“ 

Zayn shrugs as he waits for his turn to kick the ball. „It’s a little complicated. It’s confusing me.“ 

 

„Do you wanna talk about it?“, he generously asks and Zayn smiles at him. 

 

„Thanks mate, but in my case talking will only make it worse.“

„Maybe I should try and talk to Liam then.“, he suggests and Zayn’s eyes shoot open. 

„Don’t tell him I said anything.“

Suaréz barks out a loud laugh and claps Zayn on the back. „Don’t worry I’m not daft.“ 

 

Zayn just shrugs and takes a deep breath. „It’s just getting more to me than I thought.“ 

He nods. „I can see that. Just focus on the next hour and then you can go home and have a shower.“ 

 

And draw. Definitely draw. 

 

——————

Zayn’s been sitting on his bed for the past two hours, drawing Jonny Depp’s face and it’s actually coming along pretty nicely. 

His nerves are a lot calmer than they have been this morning and even though his mind still wanders to the kiss and to Liam it doesn’t freak him out as much. 

All he wants to do is to talk to Liam and figure out what he wants and what they could be but he’s sitting in his room drawing faces of celebrities and trying not to call him or contact him. 

 

He managed to avoid his phone for the past twenty five minutes so he allows himself to have a look wether Liam texted him or not. 

He didn’t. 

 

Niall did instead with a picture. 

‚Idk if this is interesting to you but I saw this and I thought you might wanna see it too‘ 

Attached is a photo of Liam in sweatpants and a shirt, wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday for training but it seems like this was taken before training since he’s all clean and fresh. 

He’s kissing a blonde girl directly on the lips. And she’s holding onto him tightly. And Zayn wants to throw up. 

His hands begin to shake and he can’t see the picture clearly anymore since his vision becomes all blurry. 

 

Without thinking he deals Liam’s number holding his phone tight so he won’t let it fall. 

 

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. 

 

„Zayn?“

 

„Fuck you.“, he grits out and now he’s crying. It’s clear Liam can hear it and he wish he could stop but it’s not possible. 

Zayn doesn’t show emotions very often, tries to avoid it at all costs but when he does show them it’s without a filter. It’s pure and it’s raw. 

 

„Zayn, what…“ 

 

„You can’t be nice to me and build me up and tell me how great I am and then make me think about you nonstop and make me get all confused about you, then kiss me and afterwards not talk to me and make me even more confused only to find a picture of you kissing some blonde bitch the same day you kissed me.“, he shouts into the phone and hiccups once he’s finished. 

 

Tears are streaming down his face and he’s so hurt, he can’t think clearly. It’s all a blur. 

 

„Zayn, listen…“ 

 

„No, I won’t. Fuck you for treating me like that. Fuck you for hurting me like that.“, he says and with that he hangs up the phone and turns it off. 

 

Then he turns around and wraps himself into a ball. He wishes he could block out all the pain, could simply turn his feelings off and be completely numb and empty. 

But he’s lying here on his bed, aching for Liam, who obviously isn’t serious about him and has been playing with him and doing his little tricks on him for the entire time they’ve known each other. 

 

And for Zayn who rarely opens up to someone and who rarely catches feelings it feels like a little bit the world is ending. He doesn’t let himself get hurt often but when it happens it happens with full force and hits him right in his heart. 

 

He cries for a few hours until he finally falls asleep. 

 

 

——————

Zayn wakes up the a loud knock on the door and he shrieks up confused and feeling gross. 

He leaves his bed and moves towards the door where the knocking uncontrollably gets louder and louder. 

He opens it to a furious Louis storming in. 

 

„The fuck Zayn! You fucking asshole! First you don’t text me back and then you don’t show up to training, which never ever happened in world’s history ever and no one knows what’s up and where you are and what’s going on and Liam looks like a kicked puppy and I try to call you and you’re not picking up and by now I’m properly thinking you’ve been kidnapped or already dead and I’m so worried and then I come here only to find you in your pajamas?“ 

He then finally turns around and gets a proper look at Zayn and he takes a sharp breath in. „Okay, maybe I was wrong, maybe you actually are dead. What happened?“ 

 

Zayn simply shakes his head as his eyes begin to fill up with water again. 

Louis opens up his arms without saying anything else and Zayn cuddles up into his friend and lets him wrap his arms around his slim body tightly. 

 

„Sorry for yelling.“, Louis mumbles into Zayn’s neck. 

 

„It’s okay.“

 

„What happened?“

 

„Liam.“ 

 

Louis huffs out a soft laugh. „Yeah. I already figured that one out myself. Tell me a little more please?“ 

„We kissed. He didn’t talk to me. Niall sent me a picture of Liam kissing a girl wearing the same clothes he wore the day he kissed me. Can’t be photoshopped. I shouted at Liam, hung up the phone and have been sulking ever since.“ 

 

„Oh Zayn!“, Louis hums and hugs him even tighter. „What is it with Liam that he has so much power over you?“ 

 

Zayn shrugs hopelessly. „I wish I knew. He gets under my skin.“ 

 

„He’s an asshole for kissing that bitch but you should’ve seen him today. He looked so lost and miserable the whole day.“ 

„Doesn’t make it better. Quite the opposite really.“, Zayn mumbles. 

„I know. Maybe you should talk to him.“ 

 

„No!“

 

„Zayn…“ 

 

„No. End of discussion.“, he argues and pulls away. They look at each other for a solid time until Louis finally gives in and nods.

 

„Let’s order sushi and watch a movie.“ 

 

——————

 

„I shouldn’t have send you the picture!“, Niall says and Zayn can visibly picture his best friend sitting on his bed, arms thrown over his face. 

Zayn smiles into the phone while cutting bread. „Niall, stop thinking about it. I’m grateful that you showed it to me. I’d rather be confronted with the truth than lulled up in a lie.“ 

 

„He was the first person you liked in ages. And I feel like I ruined that. I feel horrible. I didn’t know there was something so big between you guys. I mean you didn’t even tell me you kissed. I thought I was just making a joke with this, I didn’t know I would cause an apocalypse.“ 

Zayn laughs and shuffles around, phone now pressed between his ear and shoulder. „You didn’t start an apocalypse. I’m a lot better now. Yesterday was painful, yeah, but I’ll survive and I’ll meet someone new.“ 

„Don’t be so fucking negative. Give him a chance to explain himself and sort it out. I’m all for team Liam.“ 

 

„I’m not.“, he answers dryly and spreads some organic peanut butter on his bread. „Did you talk to your roommate about cleaning the kitchen?“ 

„I did but don’t change the subject.“ 

 

„What did he say?“ 

„He said he would try and clean after he ate but I’m not very optimistic. I’ll have to see.“ 

„Wish you the best of luck with him.“ 

„Yeah, thanks. Alright, I have to hang up now, I’ve got lessons in ten minutes. Have a good training session and TALK TO LIAM, goddamn.“, Niall shouts into the phone making Zayn pull away slightly. 

 

„Bye Niall.“, he says before he hangs up the phone and slides up a banana and puts it on top of his bread. 

He still has plenty of time therefore he enjoys his breakfast, scrolling through twitter and liking a few posts and also answering some questions. 

 

Once he’s finished he cleans up the kitchen, gets his bag from his room and grabs his Ipod. Clicking on a Drake Song he exists his flat and decides to walk to the Stadium since it’s only ten minutes. 

The heat is especially hot today but Zayn’s gotten used to it a little over the year he’s been living here now so he puts on his sunglasses and a cap to hide himself a little from fans and quickly walks down the street. 

 

After a few minutes he’s at the stadium entering through the back entrance and walks down the hall. 

„Zayn, thank god!“, Enrique shouts and Zayn turns around to see his trainer jogging up to him. „We were really worried yesterday. Especially because even Louis didn’t know what was up. Is everything alright?“ 

Zayn nods. „I’m truly sorry. I had some private issues and wasn’t feeling well. I should’ve called but I forgot. I’m really sorry.“ 

His trainer simply shakes his head. „As long as it won’t happen again… I’m just glad to see you up on your legs. Go and get changed, I’ll meet you on the field.“ 

 

With that Zayn turns around and makes his way towards the changing rooms. He opens the door and enters, walking straight up to his locker and puts his bag down on the bench. 

 

„Zayn.“

He presses his eyes shut and bites his lip. Fuck. 

Just ignore him, don’t talk to him, don’t answer him. 

„Please talk to me. After you called me I tried to call you back and talk to you at least a thousand times but you didn’t pick up the phone. I tried to call Louis but he said it was none of his business and that I had to talk to you and not him but I tried, I really did and…“ 

„Just be quiet. I don’t wanna hear it.“, Zayn cuts him off and takes off his shirt. He can feel Liam’s eyes on his body. 

He quickly grabs his training shirt and changes his shoes. Almost ready to go. 

 

„Please let me just explain, I …“ 

„What is there to explain?“, Zayn spits out and turns around looking at Liam directly. „You’re an asshole. You played your little tricks. I fell for it. Let’s just drop it.“ 

 

Liam vehemently shakes his head. „No, I didn’t, if you would just let me talk, I…“ 

 

„Just stop trying. I’m done.“, he says, grabs his water bottle and walks past Liam to get on the field. 

 

——————

Training is so horribly tense everyone on the pitch notices and feels it. 

Enrique tries his hardest to keep them all focused but the coldness Zayn’s spreading is confusing everyone, especially Liam. 

Liam is not himself. He’s unfocused, tired, slow and pale. There’s no energy, no power, no need. 

One time Zayn has to run past Liam and Liam is so far away with his thoughts he almost trembles slightly. 

Suaréz looks at Zayn with a raised eyebrow but he just shakes his head as an answer. What else is he supposed to do? 

He still feels the pain he felt the moment he saw the picture of Liam kissing the other girl and it’s so prominent he can’t get himself to just ignore that and talk to Liam. Not yet. Maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. But not now. 

 

And even though Zayn tries his hardest to ignore Liam, his eyes still wander to him and he’s still looking for him almost every ten seconds. He just can’t help it. Liam’s got him occupied. 

 

But that’s probably the reason Zayn sees Neymar running with full force, not even looking where he’s going, right into Liam before Liam can even see or react to it. It all happens so fast but to Zayn it’s almost as if it’s going in slow motion. 

 

Neymar crashes with his whole bodyweight into Liam’s side making Liam hurtle through the air and hit the floor with a loud boom, screaming in pain and holding on to his whole upper body. 

„Fuck, oh my god, Liam, I didn’t see you, you stood right in my running line, fuck I’m so so sorry!“, Neymar shouts and gets on his knees to check on Liam. 

 

Liam won’t stop screaming in pain. 

 

Suddenly everyone’s in panic. 

 

They’re all running towards him, making a circle and a few even holding on to him, talking into him and asking if he’s okay and Zayn - 

 

Zayn’s whole body feels numb. But the bad kind of numb. The kind of numb that lays heavily on your chest and makes you feel like you’re suffocating. It’s the panic kind of numb. 

 

„Zayn!“, Louis shouts and waves at him through the crowd. 

Zayn begins to move but it feels strange to him, almost as if it’s not him coordinating his body but someone else. He doesn’t want to see what’s going on behind the other players. Doesn’t want to see Liam in pain. 

 

„Everyone go back to the changing rooms. Right now.“, Enrique screams and there’s so much authority in his voice the crowd around Liam immediately vanishes and they’re all heading back to the changing rooms without arguing. 

 

Zayn just stands there and watches Liam hunched in pain on the floor. 

„You stay here. He asked for you.“, Enrique says and pulls out his phone. „Yeah, we need an ambulance right now. To the stadium. Yeah.“ 

 

Zayn lets himself fall down onto his knees next to Liam and softly strokes his hair. 

 

„I can’t breathe. I’m literally suffocating. I can’t breathe.“, Liam struggles to get out, face red and his veins popping out on his neck. 

 

„Calm down. You need to force your mind to relax. The pain is there and it’s consuming you already. Don’t let it get to your mind.“, Zayn tries but his voice sounds foreign to him. 

Seeing Liam like this made him completely fucked up. He’s shaking and he’s sweating cold sweat and he feels so fucking anxious he can’t breathe properly either. 

„I can’t. It’s like my ribcage is tied up. I need air.“

 

Zayn continues to stroke his hair. „Lay on your side, try to form your body into a c and lay your head in my lap.“ 

Liam follows even though he’s still desperately grasping for air. 

„Now follow my voice.“ 

Liam nods and now three doctors have arrived, crouching down next to them and pulling out a syringe and other equipment. 

„Think about something positive. Maybe the best day of your life. Picture your happiest moment. Think about something nice. Something beautiful. Something that takes your breath away in a good way.“ 

The doctor injects him a shot, probably pain medication since Liam immediately starts to relax in his arms.  
„Think about it. Picture it in your head. Tell me about it Liam.“ Zayn whispers but he’s not even expecting an answer. 

 

Liam closes his eyes and is now almost completely still. 

 

The doctors around him prepare a stretcher to get the hurt man to a hospital. 

 

„You.“, Liam suddenly murmurs under him. „I’m picturing you.“ 

 

Zayn is speechless. 

 

———————

 

Zayn has been waiting in the waiting room of the hospital for more than three hours now, his worries and thoughts eating him up and making him feel so sick he’s sure he’s going to throw up if he even smells food right now. 

The doctors haven’t said anything to him, simply walked past the room a thousand times looking worried and stressed and it doesn’t help. 

 

Zayn wishes someone would just tell him what’s going on, what Liam is currently going through and when he can finally go and see him but he’s getting ignored. 

This goes on for two more hours with him sitting in the waiting room playing on his phone and flipping mindlessly through magazines until, finally, a doctor opens the door and walks in. 

 

„Mr Malik?“, he asks and Zayn’s head shoots up. 

„Yes?“

 

„My Name is Dr. Gutierres. We are finally able to talk to you about Mr. Payne’s condition. He has three broken rips and following from that a mild lung contusion. We weren’t sure in how far the long contusion hurt him, since we weren’t able to see wether he had blood in his lungs or not but now we can confidently say he’s only suffering a mild contusion which is very good.“ 

 

Zayn takes a deep breath and simply stares at the tiny man with huge glasses in front of him. „So what does that mean?“ 

„We will have to keep him here for surveillance for three weeks and see how his condition hopefully improves. After that he’ll be able to go home considering he has someone to keep an eye on him. He won’t be able to do sports for two months and has to take pain medication every day but I’m optimistic he’ll heal fast and without any further complications.“ 

 

Zayn nods. „Can I see him?“ 

Dr. Gutierres nods and gets up. „Follow me.“ 

 

Together they walk down the corridor and pass three doors until the doctor finally opens the one on the right. 

Zayn’s whole body tingles and all he wants is to be close to Liam. 

 

Liam’s lying in the hospital bed, a respiratory mask on top of his mouth helping him breathe. 

„Don’t worry, he has to wear this the next 48 hours and then he only has to wear it at night.“ 

 

Zayn nods and moves closer to the bed. He sits down next to Liam and gently strokes his arms and his face. 

Tears are forming in his eyes and he bites his lip and tries to swallow his emotions. It’s stupid, really. 

This morning he didn’t want to talk to Liam and ignored him and told him to leave him alone, causing Liam to be unfocused and distracted and getting hurt and now all he wants to do is hold Liam and tell him how much he means to him and kiss him and turn back time. 

 

He presses a soft kiss onto his foreheadx sits down in the chair next to the bed and curls up into a ball and falls asleep. 

 

———————

Groggily and his neck stiff he wakes up in the middle of the night and looks around in order to remind himself of where he is. In a hospital. 

„Hey.“

Zayn’s eyes immediately find Liam’s and he skids forward to get a little closer to him. 

„Liam. How are you?“

He removes the air mask and smiles softly, eyes extremely tired. „I’ve been better. My chest feels like there’s a truck on top of me crushing my lungs.“ 

„That’s almost the perfect description of what happened.“

Liam chuckles but his face immediately crunches up in pain and Zayn grabs his arm. „Fuck, it hurts.“ 

„I’m so sorry. I behaved so childishly.“, Zayn grumbles and looks down. 

 

Liam shakes his head. „Don’t say that. I was the one acting like a stupid kid.“ 

 

„Please explain it to me. Please make me forgive you.“, Zayn whispers, eyes pleading him to talk. 

Liam puts the mask onto his face for a while to get enough air but then pulls it away again so he can talk. 

 

„I always heard about you. The golden boy. The boy with the most talent. Passionate. Ambitious. Hardworking. Focused. And every magazine printed out a picture with you and your family. For me you were that picture perfect boy from next door. 

I didn’t hate you. I kinda admired you. Feared you. But I never hated you. And the first time I met you, I was a little drunk, you were so rude and so feisty and I was so in awe. People usually kiss my arse and make me compliments and tell me how great I am and then there was you, behaving the complete opposite. I was intrigued. 

 

But it was a fight between you and me. Constantly. I just wanted you to like me so badly and you hated me so much and it was extremely frustrating. And then I finally figured you out. I really did. I understand you and I see where you’re coming from. It helped me cope with all of this a lot better. 

And suddenly you opened up to me, showed me a different side of you, became more honest. I was so happy, it’s strange. Why would I be so happy about that, you know? But I was. 

And then there are those pictures with you and this random cunt at the beach. I could still kill innocent little puppies just thinking about it. I was so furious. And you didn’t even see my point. It was so fucking frustrating. 

So I kissed someone to make up for it. I intentionally called this girl and asked her if she would kiss me and get papped with me just to make you mad and get some revenge. 

And then later at training you fucking kissed me. And honestly I don’t think I have been as confused as in that moment in my entire life. I didn’t think I would ever get you as far as to kiss me. I really didn’t. But you did. I thought you might mess with me and not take me serious so I just didn’t do anything. 

 

And then you called me out of nowhere insulting me and telling me I played with you and I hurt you and you sounded so broken it broke my heart. I didn’t know how much I meant to you, never really let my hopes up because I didn’t want to get hurt but that confession changed everything. I’ve been a wreck ever since that phone call. I wish you would’ve talked to me but I understand why you didn’t. 

 

And now we’re here, in a hospital.“

 

Zayn simply stares at him his mouth hanging open. 

 

The only sound in the room is the soft beep of the machines and Liam takes on his mask again and closes his eyes. He looks so sweet and young, Zayn wishes he could turn back time and do everything right. He was so foolish. 

„You truly changed my life, Liam.“, he admits and holds out his hand for Liam to grab. „I was a mess before I met you. You changed my perspective, made me work on myself.“ 

Liam opens his eyes again and smiles at him. 

„Go back to sleep, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow.“, Zayn quietly says. 

Liam nods but takes away the mask one more time. „Stay here?“ 

 

Zayn nods. „Of course.“ 

 

——————

 

They wake up to each other holding hands and Zayn’s head laying next to their hands intertwined. His whole back hurts and his muscles are tense but he’s with Liam and that’s all that counts. 

 

Suddenly the door bursts open and a woman aged around 50 enters the room, a man the same age following close behind. 

 

„Liam! Oh my god, I can’t believe it. The moment we got that call that you were in hospital I booked the first flight to Barcelona and came here.“, the woman says and kisses Liam on the forehead. 

 

Liam narrows his eyes and disgustedly looks at her, takes away the air mask and says. „What on earth are you doing here? Who even called you?“ 

„The doctors did. There’s a law that says doctors have to call relatives and since we’re your parents that would be us. You knew that if you had studied Law and not decided to stick with football, wouldn’t have gotten you into this situation either.“, the man says and Zayn’s eyes shoot open. 

His son’s in hospital and suffered serious injuries and all he cares about is the subject Liam decided not to study? 

He grabs his hand tight to show him that he’s there for him and bites his lip in order not to say anything he’s not supposed to say. 

 

„I want you to leave this room, right now.“, Liam orders calmly and Zayn can see how hard he’s trying not to flip. 

 

„Liam, I’m your mother, I have a right to be here with you.“

„Not if I don’t want you here. Which is clearly the case. Leave my room. Now.“ 

 

Zayn feels like he should say something and maybe defend Liam but he also feels like a) Liam’s strong enough on his own and b) he shouldn’t interrupt into a family issue. 

She’s laughing in a high pitched voice and it sounds fake to Zayn’s ears. „I’m not going to go anywhere. We’ve been fighting for long enough now.“ 

„Yeah, and whose fault is that?“, Liam argues and Zayn doesn’t know what to do. 

Just in that moment, Dr. Gutierres enters the room, looking absolutely furious.

„I didn’t call you to come here to put your son into stress. He needs to rest and most importantly needs to put on the air mask and avoid shouting as much as he can to give his lungs a timeout. If your presence restrains him from doing so then I have no choice but to prohibit you access to his room.“ 

The room is completely quiet after that, leaving Zayn in an uncomfortable silence. He wishes he could just get up and leave but he won’t leave Liam alone with his horrible parents. 

„I suggest you all leave and give Liam some time to sleep.“, Dr. Gutierres says and Zayn nods. 

His parents seem like they’re about to argue but then they decide against it. „Have some rest. We’ll talk later.“ 

„No, we won’t.“, Liam says and stares out of the window. The room is ice cold. 

His father is the first one to leave the room, his mother following close after. 

Then it’s just Zayn and Liam and Dr. Gutierres waiting at the door.

„Call me if you need anything. Text me if you need me to kill them or something.“, Zayn offers, making Liam laugh. 

„I’ll survive. I’m way too mad at them. I used to be hurt, but now I’m just mad.“ 

 

Zayn nods. „Still. Text me.“ 

Liam smiles and nods. „I will.“ 

 

So Zayn gets up and turns around, walks out the door and takes a deep breath while leaving the hospital. 

 

————————

 

It’s been two weeks since Liam’s accident and his recovery has been remarkably well. It’s scary to see what a difference a healthy and fit body makes in terms of recovery compared to an unhealthy overweight body. 

Liam’s able to talk and laugh without the air mask for a whole day, only during the night he has to wear it. 

He also doesn’t have to take as much pain medication anymore, almost half of the amount he began with. 

Moving is still painful and difficult, but the doctors are confident he’ll get there within a week or two. 

Zayn has been visiting Liam almost every single day, talking about training and watching a movie, bringing him some good food and not the trash the hospital calls food. But it has been very casual. Almost friendly. 

Though he still feels thousand butterflies when he enters the hospital room and is about to meet Liam.  
Just like he’s feeling right now, walking down the corridor with food in his bag and a movie and his laptop and a blanket. 

He knocks on the door, signaling Liam that he’s there but Liam should already know by now since it’s his usual time to get there. 

 

„Yes.“, Liam calls and Zayn opens the door with a smile on his face. 

 

It fades a little when he spots Dr. Gutierres sitting close to Liam, looking very serious. 

„Am I interrupting?“, Zayn asks and stands in the doorway hesitantly. 

„No, no. Come in.“, Liam says and gestures to the chair closest to Liam. 

So Zayn walks inside, drops his bag onto the floor and sits down on the chair and looks at them expectantly. 

„So…?“

„There’s a little problem.“ 

 

Fuck. Zayn’s heartbeat speeds up and his hands begin to sweat. „Okay?“ 

 

„I’m allowed to go home.“; Liam says. „But it’s not that easy.“ 

A kilogram of worry falls from his chest as he hears it’s not a health problem. Zayn just looks at Liam to go on. 

„I can’t live alone for the next month. I need someone to watch me, take care of me, check that I’m taking the right amount of medication and so on. The only people who would be a possibility for that would be my parents. And let’s be real here, I’m not going to live with my parents. Not if my life depended on that.“ 

Zayn nods. „Yeah. That’s not an option.“ 

„The thing is“; Dr. Gutierres says „I trust Liam and I know he can take care of himself. Of course I do, But I’m legally not allowed to let him go unless there’s someone to take care of him for a certain things.“ 

„Yes. Makes sense. It’s not like you can let any person go home and take care of it themselves. Some are mentally ill as well.“ 

„Exactly.“, Dr. Gutierres confirms. 

„That means I’ll have to stay here for probably two months.“, Liam sighs and rubs his forehead. 

„Two months?“, Zayn shouts and raises his eyebrows. 

„Yeah, one month is the time I’d have to stay with a person to watch me and after that I could regularly visit a doctor. But since that’s not a possibility I have to stay here for two months.“ 

Dr. Gutierres nods sadly. „I’m sorry, Liam. I wish I could make an exception, but I need to follow the rules.“ 

Liam nods and closes his eyes. „Yeah, I know.“ 

The doctor gets up and pats Liam’s shoulder, grabs his coat and then exists the room. 

Then it’s just silence between them. 

„I can’t believe I have to wait for two months. I literally live here, eat here, do anything here. Welcome to the road of depression.“ 

Zayn bites his lip. „You’ll live with me.“ 

Liam’s head shoots up and he stares at him in disbelief, eyes wide open and eyebrows raised. He looks a little pale but still beautiful. „Don’t say that.“ 

 

Zayn tilts his head a little and smiles softly. „Why not?“ 

„Just.. don’t even offer that. I know you feel sorry for me but don’t try to make me feel better with this. It’s actually working the opposite way.“ 

„Of course I feel sorry for you Liam! Because I like and I care about you! Are you dumb?“, Zayn laughs and gives him a gentle nudge. 

„I won’t live with you.“, Liam simply argues and crosses his arms in front of his chest. 

„Yes you will.“

 

„No I won’t!“

 

„You’re going to live with me.“ 

 

——————

Liam does end up living with Zayn. 

 

He didn’t really have a choice, to be fair, since living with his parents wasn’t an option and living in the hospital wasn’t a choice either. 

 

So Liam now sleeps in Zayn’s guest room, the doctor visiting him every second day and checking on him and Liam slowly working on getting back on track in terms of fitness with various trainers. 

 

Liam’s almost more busy than Zayn, meaning they barely see each other during the day, since Zayn has training in the afternoon, but Liam works out in the morning. 

 

They do manage to have dinner together and watch a movie afterwards though, mostly Marvel. That’s how it has been now for five days.

Zayn’s sitting on the couch, watching the end of Iron Man while Liam softly snores on the other end of the couch. He fell asleep an hour ago and Zayn didn’t have the heart to wake him up. 

He watches the man, how he lies on his muscular forearm, lips slightly parted and hair mussed, slight stubble visible on his strong jaw and Zayn’s heart flutters. 

It’s weirdly comfortable, having Liam around. 

 

At first, Zayn thought it would stress him or maybe annoy him, coming home to someone, to a person, to a human being taking up space, but it’s the opposite. When Zayn walks home, he feels excited to see Liam, feels giggly to talk to him, ask him about his day and tell him about training. 

It’s nice to have someone wait for you, curious and concerned about you and wanting to spend time with you. 

 

Zayn has never felt this comfortable with anyone in his life. Not even Niall. Niall is his best friend and he would cut off his legs for that irish dork but Liam? It’s different.

It’s like Liam understands every part of his soul and accepts it just as it is. It’s like Liam knows how to say and do things in order to make Zayn feel good and relaxed and calm. It’s like Liam is the perfect anchor to Zayn’s anxious, self-conscious, insecure being who always worries too much and never opens up. 

 

He just likes Liam. A lot. 

 

And as Liam mumbles sweet little nothings, Zayn slowly accepts it and finds it okay. 

 

———————

„So…“, Louis begins and sits down on the bench next to Zayn, who’s currently taking a break and drinks half a litre of water. 

 

Zayn looks at his friend and arches an eyebrow. 

 

„Liam. He lives with you. How’s it going?“ 

 

Zayn shrugs but can’t help the blush creeping on his face. „It’s nice. Nothing happened. But it’s nice. Better than I thought.“ 

 

Louis’ face doesn’t show any emotion as he watches Zayn. „I’m happy for you. I really do hope it works out. I just don’t know if anything will happen, since you won’t make a move and neither will him.“ 

Zayn bites his lip. What Louis says is true. Zayn would never make a move on Liam. He’s not brave enough and he’s doubting everything way too much. 

„I don’t know. I just strongly believe that things will work out. We went through so much shit together. It just has to work out.“, Zayn quietly says and Louis nods. 

„I agree.“ 

„I actually like the way things are now. Him living with me, talking about his day and afterwards us watching a movie or talking. It’s great.“ 

Louis smiles and nudges him a little. „Can’t believe I managed to live up to the day to hear you say that. Thought it’d never happen.“ 

Zayn grins and shakes his head. „Let’s get back on the field.“

 

——————

„You won’t believe it! I managed to swim ten laps without getting out of breath! My lungs are getting better and better!“, Liam shouts as Zayn opens the front door and puts down his bag. 

He’s full of sweat and he’s extremely tired from training and all he wants to do is sleep but Liam comes running towards him with a huge smile on his face, looking like a happy labrador and Zayn grins back at him. 

 

„Ten laps! I mean, Zayn! That’s so good! I’ll get back into shape in no time and then I’ll be able to play again!“ 

 

Zayn nods and smiles softly at him. He has to force himself to form proper words. „Of course, Liam. I always knew you were going to make it!“ 

Suddenly Liam’s mood changes a little, his expression changing from happy to concerned. „Are you okay? Did you drink enough?“ 

 

Zayn nods and leans on the door frame. „Yeah, I’m just really tired. We trained extra hard today and all I wanna do is sleep.“ 

„Not even shower before that?“, Liam grins. 

Zayn shakes his head and grins back. „Not even shower.“ 

 

„Let’s get you to bed then!“

 

And with that, Liam grabs Zayn’s legs and picks him up bridal style, carrying him through the big flat down the corridor and towards Zayn’s bedroom. 

He manages to open the door without dropping Zayn and places him onto the bed. 

Then he gets out a shirt and sweatpants and urges Zayn to sit up. Zayn simply follows Liam’s orders. 

It’s completely quiet as Liam pulls Zayn’s shirt over his head, leaving him shirtless in front of him and it should be sexual, and it definitely is, but it feels much more intimate than sexual. 

Zayn holds his breath and Liam takes the shirt he picked up for him to sleep in and helps him get dressed. 

Then he gets down on his knees, Zayn’s heartbeat increasing dangerously fast and Liam grabs the hem of his sweatpants and pushes them down slowly. 

Once they’re off, he just tosses them onto the floor and grabs the clean sweatpants and helps Zayn take them on. 

 

„Now you’re ready to sleep.“, Liam whispers and smiles up at him, making Zayn completely fuzzy. 

 

„Stay with me.“, he commands without really registering what he just said. 

But before he can apologize and say it was just a dumb slip of the tongue, Liam nods and gets inside the bed grabbing Zayn’s arm and pulling him with him. 

 

Zayn simply lets it happen, lets Liam wrap his arms around Zayn’s small, delicate torso and it’s so nice, the feeling of strong arms wrapped around you and protecting you, it messes with Zayn’s head a little. 

 

He tries his hardest to relax and not think too much about it, so he closes his eyes and focuses on Liam’s soft breath hitting Zayn right below his ear. 

 

———————

 

It becomes a routine after that. 

 

Every night, after having eaten and either watched a movie or talked for a little, they have gone to Zayn’s bed, cuddling into the cushions and Liam wrapping his arms around him and them falling asleep. 

 

Zayn’s getting used to it so quickly, he’s worried he might not be able to sleep once Liam moves out. He doesn’t want to think about that. 

 

„The team wants to go out tonight!“, Liam says as he’s scrolling through his phone, sitting on the couch with Zayn. „Louis just texted me.“ 

 

Zayn rolls his eyes. „Of course he would text you, thinking you’ll convince me.“ 

„I am convincing you. Let’s go out!“ 

 

„No.“, Zayn answers flatly and goes back to reading his book. 

 

„Come on, Zayn. It’ll be fun, I’d like to see the guys again and have a good time! You could dance with me or maybe spend some time with Louis or Suaréz!“, he tries and Zayn doesn’t even dare to look up. He knows exactly that Liam’s using his puppy eyes and Zayn’s not resistant against that. 

 

„Zayn!“, he tries again. „Please?“ 

 

He feels the couch shuffle and suddenly Liam’s face is right in front of him and Zayn’s heart makes a little jump. 

 

He simply stares at him for a while until he remembers he should breathe and then he just nods. 

 

„YES!“, Liam squeaks and jumps up, making a little dance in the middle of the living room. „Okay, I’ll get ready and we’ll meet in twenty minutes at the door, okay?“ 

 

With that, he sprints to his room and closes the door behind him, leaving Zayn starstruck on the couch, wondering how it could get that far that Liam simply had to look at him and he would say yes to anything that man suggested. 

 

Sighing, he puts down his book and gets up, making his way towards his room. He doesn’t try particularly hard to look good but he decides to put a little more effort in his looks tonight than he usually does. 

 

He sticks with a grey shirt, black skinny jeans, black boots and styles his hair in a quiff. Afterwards, he puts on cologne and draws a tiny little black line on top of his lashes to make them appear even stronger and darker. He’s been told multiple times that it makes him even more attractive. 

He then picks up his phone and responds to a few texts, liking a few tweets and killing some time. 

 

„ZAYN!“, Liam suddenly shouts. „Are you ready? It’s already been thirty minutes!“ 

 

Surprised, he looks at his phone and oh, Liam’s right, he didn’t even notice the time go by. So he puts the phone inside his back pocket, grabs his wallet and his keys and steps outside his room. 

 

He turns around. 

 

„Woah. You look…“, Liam begins but doesn’t finish the sentence. His face speaks for itself though. His eyes look gleamy and sparkling and there’s a slight blush on his cheeks and it’s such a sweet reaction, it makes Zayn blush too. 

 

And Liam looks stunning as well. Grey Jeans, black shirt and adidas sneakers. He could easily be a model with those looks. 

 

Zayn clears his throat. „Should we go?“ 

Liam nods and simply turns around and walks towards the door, Zayn following close behind. 

 

It’s not awkward or anything, but there’s suddenly so much sexual tension that hasn’t been there before and Zayn kind of wants to say: Hey, Liam, do you feel that too? Do you want to make out so badly too? but he doesn’t, instead he just slides into the cab and continues to be quiet. 

 

That’s how it is between them for the whole car ride, even once they pull up to the club, it hasn’t changed and then they’re inside, the music pumping loudly through their veins and in order to not get lost, Zayn grabs the back of Liam’s shirt and holds him tight. 

 

They walk towards their group and separate, once they greet everyone but Zayn’s mind is cloudy, somewhere else, thoughts filled with Liam. He wants to kiss him so badly, touch him and feel him, he can’t focus on anything else. 

 

„Are you okay?“, Louis asks and he already seems a little drunk so Zayn decides to be brutally honest with him. 

 

„I just want to bang Liam. Like, for real. I just want to feel him and kiss him, it’s unreal. It’s just so much tension there, I can’t stand it any longer.“ 

Louis looks at him dead serious, not a single hint of banter or jokes, as he says. „Dance with me. Let’s get him hot.“ 

 

Zayn shockingly stares at his friend who simply grabs his hand and walks down to the dance floor. 

„Louis, wait! What’s with Harry?“, he asks and squeezes his hand tight. 

 

„He decided that this Nick dude was more important than me. I’ll show him that I can have my fun without him! And you make Liam a little jealous. It’s good for the both of us.“ 

 

Zayn’s too confused so he just lets himself get dragged to the dance floor, but not too far away so Liam will still see them and just as Timber switches to Talk Dirty To Me they begin to dance and swing their hips towards the music. 

Zayn hates dancing. He’s not really good at it and he always feels ridiculous doing it but Louis dances amazing and with his friend kind of guiding him and doing most of the work, Zayn starts to relax a little and dance with him. 

 

They have fun. Zayn giggles most of the time while Louis straight up laughs his ass of but it he enjoys himself and for a minute he even forgets why they’re doing this in the first place. 

 

Until Liam walks up to them and puts himself between Louis and Zayn. „May I?“ 

 

He pushes Louis away gently and puts a hand at Zayn’s lower back and pulls him close, presses his whole body close to his and presses his nose close to Zayn’s. 

His body feels like it’s on fire. It’s like all the people around them don’t exist, it’s just Liam and Zayn, dancing together. Zayn can feel Liam’s breath on his lips, can smell his cologne and he’s grabbing Liam’s arms to pull him a little closer. 

 

And then their lips finally meet. 

 

It’s not soft and gentle. As soon as Liam presses down his lips onto Zayn’s it’s a hungry lovedrunken fight they’re fighting, running for more, fireworks exploding. 

Zayn can feel his whole body, feels so alive and he needs everything Liam can give him. It’s crazy how Liam makes him feel. 

 

They’re kissing and kissing, not taking a break, not taking a breath and Zayn’s concerned for their lungs but they keep going, scared to stop, not wanting to stop. Nothing else matters, just Liam. 

 

Liam eventually does pull back, just to look at him through blown up eyes and red cheeks and messy hair and say „Let’s go home! Right now!“ 

 

Zayn simply nods, probably just as fucked up as Liam and follows him through the crowd. 

 

——————

The car ride home was exhausting. They’re not the kind of people to share everything with everyone and making out in front of a taxi driver is neither on Zayn’s nor Liam’s bucket list. So they keep their hands to themselves, growing hard and desperate for each other and waiting patiently until the taxi finally pulls up to Zayn’s flat. 

 

They almost run inside, giggling and laughing and as soon as the door is open, their lips meet again, hands on each other’s bodies and the fire exploding once again. 

Zayn feels so alive as they stumble to his bedroom and Liam pulls at the hem of Zayn’s shirt and gets it off, throws it away. 

 

„I like you better this way.“, he grins and pulls off his own shirt. 

Liam’s so fucking hot. He’s the definition of a perfect body, muscles everywhere, beautifully toned and tan and Zayn just wants to taste him. 

 

So he gets on his knees, looks up innocently at Liam and slowly opens Liam’s jeans. The man just stares back at him almost in disbelief, wether he’s not sure this is actually happening or because he didn’t expect this from Zayn, but Zayn keeps going, throws all his worries over board and pulls down Liam’s jeans and his boxers and frees his hard on. 

Zayn doesn’t hesitate, takes it all in his mouth and begins to suck, causing Liam to groan loudly. 

„Fuck, Zayn!“ 

It only keeps him going. He continues to lick down his length, swirl his tongue and give the man in front of him the most pleasure. 

Judging by the noises Liam makes, Zayn’s doing a pretty good job. 

He grabs Zayn’s hands tightly, guiding him a little and shoving him roughly and Zayn - 

Zayn’s surprised how much he likes it rough. He hums around Liam, feeling his own dick very prominently and sighs a little. 

„Oh my god!“, Liam moans, grabbing him a little tighter. „Pull off. I don’t wanna come yet!“ 

So Zayn does, simply sits on the ground and looks up at Liam, waiting for him to make the next move. 

„Get on the bed.“ 

So Zayn does. 

 

„Take off your clothes and spread your legs.“ 

 

Zayn follows. 

„You’re so beautiful! Do you have lube?“, Liam asks and gets a little closer to the bed. 

 

„In the bathroom!“, Zayn manages to grit out and closes his eyes. He’s so fucking desperate for relief, it’s crazy. 

 

Liam’s back a few seconds later, kneels down in front of Zayn and looks up at him as if to ask for permission. 

 

„Liam!“, Zayn moans. „Do something. Now!“

 

He nods. „Tell me to stop if it hurts or if it’s too much!“ 

 

Zayn nods and grabs the sheets tightly with his hands, ready for anything Liam’s willing to give him. 

 

He hisses loudly when Liam’s first finger, full of lube enters him, moving slowly and gentle inside of him and Zayn scrunches up his face and tries to get used to the weird feeling, but it’s not bad it’s just unusual. 

 

Liam shortly follows a second finger and that’s when the real pleasure begins for Zayn. He begins to moan loudly, his whole body moving to meet Liam’s rhythm and it’s so hot, Zayn could come right on the spot. He tries to hold it back as much as he can, but as Liam uses his third finger, stretching him and filling him up, Zayn swears he can see stars. 

 

„I’m ready“, he blurts out, panting heavily. „Liam, please! I need you right now!“ 

 

Liam nods and positions himself on top of Zayn, and Zayn notices he already pulled on a condom and he’s so ready, he’ll explode right now if Liam’s not doing anything. 

 

And then he finally enters.

 

They both moan loudly, simply hanging in there for a while to feel each other and get used to the feeling but it’s so good, Zayn has to move. 

 

He circles his hips, thrusts up into Liam and bites in his neck, licks it a little, causing Liam to moan and groan. 

„Fuck.“ 

 

They soon build up a perfect rhythm, meeting each others thrusts and Zayn moans hungrily for more. 

 

„Liam! I’m close!“ 

 

„Me too.“

 

It’s right there, Zayn just needs a little push then he’s cuming. 

 

And then Liam movies his hands up from his hips over his torso, over his arms and stays still at his neck, grabs it with one hand and chokes him softly. 

 

It’s not so much choking as it is a hand resting on his throat and it’s so fucking hot, the pressure around his neck is enough to send him over the edge. 

 

„Fuck, Liam, I love you.“, he shouts as he’s coming, grabbing Liam’s arms tight and clenching around him. 

 

Liam follows seconds after with a loud moan and collapses on top of Zayn’s body, wraps his arms around Zayn’s torso and rests his head on his chest. 

Zayn’s freaking out a little. 

 

Did he just blurt out ‚I love you‘? Fucking hell what’s up with him? His heartbeat quickens up dangerously fast and he can feel the anxiety coming over him. 

 

„Zayn. Calm down.“, Liam mumbles and kisses his chest slightly. „Let’s not make a big deal out of those dumb words.“ 

„Are you even hearing what you’re saying? Liam! I just said I love you. I never said that to anyone in my entire life. Not my parents, not Niall. Not anyone. Do you get that?“ 

 

Liam raises his head and tiredly looks at Zayn, a smile visible on his face. „Stop worrying so much. It’s all good.“ 

 

Zayn shakes his head and grabs Liam’s face with both his hands. It’s a little awkward, lying down like this but Zayn doesn’t care. „Liam! I’m in love with you, don’t you get that? I mean it. And it terrifies me. I’ve never loved anything before. I… I’m scared.“ 

 

Liam’s expression changes and he positions himself on top of Zayn and looks at him dead serious. „I love you too. I have for ages. Definitely since the first time we met. I know that it scares you and that you’re unfamiliar with that, but I want you to see how beautiful and amazing love can be. I want to show you the good side. I want to be with you. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to push you or scare you or say too much so you’ll get uncomfortable.“ 

 

Zayn simply stares at the man in front of him and then surges forward to press a gentle kiss on his lips. „You’re doing everything right. Just be yourself and do exactly what you think is right. It’ll be right then.“ 

 

Liam nods and grabs Zayn’s face with both of his hands and desperately kisses him. 

 

„Let’s not talk. Let’s kiss a little instead.“ 

 

Zayn grins and nods and pushes Liam down on his back to climb on top of him. 

 

——————

 

„I can’t believe you’ve been together for three months now!“, Niall says as he’s taking a huge bite from his burger. „Love looks good on you!“ 

 

Zayn grins and takes a sip from his water. „Yeah. It’s crazy. I’m glad you visit me in Barcelona, Ni. Was about time to have you here again!“ 

Niall grins. „Why, is Liam not enough?“ 

 

Zayn laughs and throws a napkin at him. „Shut up. You know what I mean.“ 

 

Niall nods. „Yeah. I’m just very happy for ya. I mean, who would’ve thought you, of all the people int he world, would find your significant other? I’m happy.“ 

 

Zayn smiles at his best friend and then takes a bite from his burger. 

 

„So where’s lover boy? I finally want to meet him in person!“, Niall complains and throws Zayn a dirty look. 

Zayn just grins. „I told him to pick us up once we’re finished eating and then we’ll drive to the beach. You can get to know each other in the car, we’ll have to drive forty minutes.“ 

 

„Ahh yes. I prepared some questions to ask him so I hope he can deal with pressure.“ 

 

Zayn bursts out laughing. „You’re mental.“ 

 

They continue to eat and once they’re finished, Zayn texts Liam to come and pick them up. They talk for a while, Niall telling hilarious stories about uni and about his parents and Zayn realizes how much he actually missed his blonde fellow. He really wishes he could see him more. 

 

„Having fun without me, then, babe?“, a voice suddenly says behind Zayn and a hand finds his shoulder. He gets greeted with a kiss on the cheek and Niall grins at him shamelessly. 

 

„Niall. Nice to meet you! I’ve heard lots of good stuff about you! I’m Liam!“, Liam introduces himself and Niall gets up to hug him. 

 

„Same goes to you, man. How’re ya doing?“, Niall asks and sits down again, Liam sitting down between them. 

 

„I’m all good, I just trained with Enrique, without the others, but still, it’s a big jump forward!“ 

„Glad to hear your health’s going up again. Would be shame if it wasn’t!“, Niall says and that’s how they immediately start talking about football, accidents, TV Shows and ‚Oh did you see that video on youtube where that guy falls down the roof and then breaks his leg and a cow comes running towards him and licks his face?‘. 

 

Zayn just fondly stares at the two of them, clinks himself out of the conversation and smiles. 

 

Who would’ve thought things would turn out this way? Zayn definitely didn’t. 

 

And as Liam looks at Zayn, smiling with his eyes, his mouth, his whole face and spreading so much happiness, Zayn can’t help but feel so damn happy about things turning out exactly this way.

**Author's Note:**

> Finished! Yeah! :) 
> 
> Please please please leave me a comment, I always love reading them and tell me what you think since it took me so long to finish this fic! xxxx
> 
> I'm also sorry that the ending is a little rushed but I simply didn't have the patience to make it a littler longer! :( 
> 
> Have a lovely day!


End file.
